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Submission: On January 22 via manual from US — Scanned from US
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Submission: On January 22 via manual from US — Scanned from US
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logo * Newsletters * Subscribe * account icon * Login * navigation logo Combined Shape STARTUP * Best Industries * Funding * Incubators * Business Plans * Naming * Home-Based Business * The UPS Store GROW * Strategy * Operations * Sales * Marketing * Customer Service * Franchises * Build LEAD * Black in Business * Your Next Move * Taking Care * FEMALE FOUNDERS * Best Workplaces * Company Culture * Public Speaking * Hiring * HR/Benefits * Productivity * All the Hats TECHNOLOGY * Leading Tech * Digital Transformation * Artificial Intelligence * Bringing Innovation to Market * Cloud Computing * Social Media * Security * Data Detectives INNOVATE * Creativity * Invent * Design * Pivot MONEY * Exit Interview * Bootstrapping * Crowdfunding * Venture Capital * Borrowing * Business Models * Personal Finance * Founder Friendly Investors EVENTS * Upcoming Events * Inc. 5000 Vision Conference * Become a Sponsor BRANDVIEW * Cox Business * Deloitte * Intel * PPG * The UPS Store * Principal * Verizon Business * Whoop * Branded Content INC. 5000 * Inc. 5000 * Inc. 5000 Regionals * Apply Inc. 5000 US INC. 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The Fed Has Other Ideas Social Media Report: Reddit Pushes for March IPO Politics What's Driving Entrepreneurs This Presidential Election logo * Newsletters * Subscribe * account icon * Login * navigation logo Combined Shape STARTUP * Best Industries * Funding * Incubators * Business Plans * Naming * Home-Based Business * The UPS Store GROW * Strategy * Operations * Sales * Marketing * Customer Service * Franchises * Build LEAD * Black in Business * Your Next Move * Taking Care * FEMALE FOUNDERS * Best Workplaces * Company Culture * Public Speaking * Hiring * HR/Benefits * Productivity * All the Hats TECHNOLOGY * Leading Tech * Digital Transformation * Artificial Intelligence * Bringing Innovation to Market * Cloud Computing * Social Media * Security * Data Detectives INNOVATE * Creativity * Invent * Design * Pivot MONEY * Exit Interview * Bootstrapping * Crowdfunding * Venture Capital * Borrowing * Business Models * Personal Finance * Founder Friendly Investors EVENTS * Upcoming Events * Inc. 5000 Vision Conference * Become a Sponsor BRANDVIEW * Cox Business * Deloitte * Intel * PPG * The UPS Store * Principal * Verizon Business * Whoop * Branded Content INC. 5000 * Inc. 5000 * Inc. 5000 Regionals * Apply Inc. 5000 US INC. UNLIMITED * Subscribe INC. UNLIMITED * Subscribe * Watch * Guides Follow: * Group 5 * * Fill 1 * Group 3 * Group 3 INC. UNLIMITED * Subscribe * About * Staff * Columnists * Help Center Follow: * Group 5 * * Fill 1 * Group 3 * Group 3 Productivity EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE USE A BRILLIANT 3-WORD PHRASE TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS AND BUILD STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS IN EMOTIONAL MOMENTS, THESE THREE WORDS WILL HELP YOU PRACTICE EMPATHY--AND MAKE SURE YOU'RE BUILDING BRIDGES INSTEAD OF WALLS. * Shape * * Expert Opinion By Justin Bariso, Author, EQ Applied@JustinJBariso Photo: Getty Images "What have you been doing all morning?" That's what stumbled out of my mouth as I came home from an early morning appointment. As owners of a small business, my wife and I share responsibilities of running our company, and the household. She had been taking care of the kids, and the place looked like a disaster area. Instead of doing the smart thing--pausing and thinking--I spit out that question. Big mistake. My wife quickly let me know what she had been doing all morning: working like crazy. Making breakfast. Chasing after kids and playing with them. Answering the phone. She barely had time to catch her breath. But it was only a few days later when I fully understood, as it was my turn to care for the kids and I experienced the madness firsthand. When my wife came home and saw my look of exasperation--and an even bigger mess than a few days ago--she didn't need to say a word. She knew. I needed to learn from this experience. How could I learn to pause, think, and show more understanding--so that I strengthen my relationships, instead of undermining them? I've discovered a simple, three-word phrase that helps me to do just that: "I don't know." Why is this phrase so effective? The reason has to do with the meaning behind the phrase, and its foundation in emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage emotions. (If you find value in this lesson, you might be interested in my free course, which teaches you how to build emotional intelligence in yourself and your team.) HOW TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS AND SHOW EMPATHY In a recent column, we spoke about another 3-word-phrase that can help you practice emotional intelligence when someone says or does something you interpret as insensitive or ignorant: They don't know. As a refresher, here's how it works: > Someone says something insensitive. You silently think to yourself "They don't > know." > > The goal isn't to look down on the other person. It's simply recognizing > there's no possible way they could know what it's like to walk in your shoes. > Acknowledging this frees you from attaching too much emotional significance to > what they've said. Now it's time to flip the coin. You must also remember that there's no way you can know what it's like to walk in another person's shoes--so you shouldn't be quick to assume or judge. In other words, sometimes you have to remind yourself that: "I don't know." "I don't know" isn't simply giving someone a pass. It's an attempt to practice empathy--a quality we desperately crave, but struggle to show others. When you remind yourself that you don't know, you exercise your empathy muscle. You use your imagination, instead of jumping to conclusions. For example, when a colleague or team member seems to be in a bad mood, remind yourself: I don't know. I don't know what they're dealing with at home that may be affecting their attitude here. Or, when you encounter an irate customer, and your patience is running thin, remind yourself: I don't know. I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, that's much bigger than this. Or, yes, when a spouse, child, or friend does something that you weren't expecting, remind yourself: I don't know. I don't know what their day looked like, and maybe they're desperate for a little compassion. When you practice I don't know, and use it to move you to show empathy and helpfulness, you do more than give the other person the benefit of the doubt. You become less reactive, and more thoughtful. You build a bridge, instead of a wall. You strengthen your relationship. Because sometimes, you and I just don't know. And that's all you need to know. Aug 13, 2023 Like this column? Sign up to subscribe to email alerts and you'll never miss a post. The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com. A refreshed look at leadership from the desk of CEO and chief content officer Stephanie Mehta * This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Sign Up This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the GooglePrivacy PolicyandTerms of Serviceapply. 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