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LEE.ORG

The coldest winter I ever spent




FUNERAL ANNOUNCEMENT AND OBITUARY FOR LEE J. SONKO, MY FATHER

5/4/2024, 10:56 am, General

Lee J. Sonko passed away April 29th. Visitation will be held Saturday May 4th,
2024 at 4-6pm with services at 6pm at Aycock-Riverside Funeral Center, Jupiter,
FL. There will be an additional visitation at the Cochran Funeral Home, 905 High
Street, Hackettstown, NJ on Friday May 10th, 2024 from 4-8 pm with services
being held on Saturday, May 11th at the funeral home at 11am with Father Timothy
Dowling officiating. Burial will follow services at the Union Cemetery,
Hackettstown, NJ.

———————
He lived long enough and happily enough to write his own obituary. When he was
41 he had his first open heart surgery. Every day since then has been on what he
knew to be borrowed time. He borrowed 47 more very happy years and used them as
well as any person I’ve ever known.
———————

My Father’s Obituary

Lee J Sonko born Oct 25, 1936.

Born in New Brunswick NJ, Lee grew up in Elmira NY. He graduated with a B.S.
Degree in 1959 from Fairleigh-Dickinson University and an M.B.A. in 1961. He is
also a graduate of the Executive Program at the Wharton School. He was one of
the first to receive a C.F.P. designation in the 1970’s and he taught the
course.

He is survived by his loving wife of 64 years, Marlene Sonko (nee Ferranti),
daughter Melissa, son Lee, Lee’s wife Megan, and his granddaughters Julia Sonko
and Abigail Flom-Sonko. He was brother of Rita Temes and Marcia Sonko, and
brother-in-law to Dorothy Howard and Ernestine McCarren.

Lee and family lived in West Milford NJ and he was President of the Library
Board, an Environmental Commissioner, active with the Jaycee’s, Knights of
Columbus, a fundraiser for local and state politicians, and coached a little
league baseball team to two championships. Lee then moved to Smoke Rise in
Kinnelon NJ where he was active with the Smoke Rise Tennis Club and building
their Club House. He also enjoyed the family’s ski house at Stratton Vermont.

Anticipating retirement he then moved to Panther Valley in Allamuchy NJ and
Jonathan’s Landing in Jupiter Florida. He was a member of the Panther Valley
Golf and Country Club as well as a member of Jonathans Landing Country Club. He
was founder of “The 12 Santas”, a charitable organization active in Hackettstown
NJ.

In an earlier career, he was the manager of the paper dress project for a major
paper company. Lee ultimately retired from Morgan Stanley as a Senior
Vice-President in 2003.

His hobbies included golf, his beloved 1951 Packard, sailing, wine making,
social evenings, and especially his family. He enjoyed what life had to offer,
often traveling around Europe and the west to vacation and ski in his younger
days and golf trips more recently. He is currently vice-president of the
pacheata society.

Lee died peacefully on April 29th, 2024 of heart failure with family at his
side.



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MY BELOVED FATHER PASSED AWAY

4/30/2024, 7:34 am, General

My beloved father, Lee J Sonko passed away yesterday, April 29th, among his
family. Services will be held in Jupiter, Florida and then in Hackettstown, NJ.
Details to follow.



 





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SURVIVAL RESEARCH LABORATORIES

4/18/2024, 5:31 pm, General

The SRL show in San Jose in 2005 rocked my world! Here I am talking about it 20
years later!

Find out what is so astounding. I signed up to their Patreon this week to
hopefully see another show and bring Abigail. You’ll have to sign up for their
Patreon for the possibility of catching their next show. Join me?

 





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THE WITCHES BY ROALD DAHL, PERFORMED BY THE MADERA ELEMENTARY DRAMA CLUB

4/14/2024, 3:08 pm, General

Please enjoy this recording of a live stage performance of The Witches by Roald
Dahl, directed by Lew Williams, and performed by the Madera Elementary Drama
Club on the evening of April 11th, 2024!

Lee, proud father of Abigail / “Girl” and “Diner”





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IMPOSTER SYNDROME: A REPOST

4/9/2024, 11:04 pm, General

In case you don’t know, Neil Gaiman is a rather good, rather famous author. I
just found out that he wrote what you see below, here.

I’m posting this because I need to remember this anecdote for myself. Maybe you
need to remember it for yourself, I don’t know.

 

> WEDNESDAY, MAY 17, 2017
> 
> 
> THE NEIL STORY (WITH ADDITIONAL FOOTNOTE)
> 
> 
> 
> POSTED BY NEIL GAIMAN AT 2:26 PM 
> 
> 
> (I wrote this on Tumblr. It’s since been picked up and quoted all over the
> place, and I’m being asked a lot if it’s actually something I said, and if
> it’s true. It is, and it is. Here’s the original.)
> 
> duckswearhats asked: Hi, I read that you’ve dealt with with impostor syndrome
> in the past, and I’m really struggling with that right now. I’m in a good
> place and my friends are going through a lot, and I’m struggling to justify my
> success to myself when such amazing people are unhappy. I was wondering if you
> have any tips to feel less like this and maybe be kinder to myself, but
> without hurting anyone around me. It’s a big ask, I know, but any help would
> make my life a lot less stressful The best help I can offer is to point you to
> Amy Cuddy’s book, Presence. She talks about Imposter Syndrome (and interviews
> me in it) and offers helpful insight.The second best help might be in the form
> of an anecdote. Some years ago, I was lucky enough invited to a gathering of
> great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of
> things.  And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t
> qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.
> 
> 
> 
> On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall,
> while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice,
> polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first
> name*. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect
> of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing
> here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
> 
> And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts
> for something.”
> 
> And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter,
> maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had
> worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us
> doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.
> 
> (There’s a wonderful photograph of the Three Neils even if one of us was a
> Neal at http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2012/08/neil-armstrong.html)
> 
> …
> 
> *(I remember being amused and flattered that he knew who I was, not because
> he’d read anything by me, but because the Google algorithm of the time had me
> down as Neil #1. If you just typed Neil, it would take you to neilgaiman.com.
> Many people, including me, felt that if there was a Neil #1, it was most
> definitely him.)
> 
> LABELS: IMPOSTER SYNDROME, NEIL ARMSTRONG
> 
>  

and the photo of the three Neils…

> SATURDAY, AUGUST 25, 2012
> 
> 
> NEIL ARMSTRONG
> 
> 
> 
> POSTED BY NEIL GAIMAN AT 2:50 PM 
> 
> 
> 
> Neal Stephenson and I were not standing in order to make it quite clear who
> Neil #1 was and would always be.
> 
> I spent a couple of days in Neil Armstrong’s company. He was as nice, as
> modest and as wise as anybody could have hoped for. If you ever wondered what
> my face looks like when I’m going “This is really happening, and I am the
> luckiest man in the world,” it looks a lot like it does in this photo.
> 
> His achievements were the stuff of legend, and I am lucky to have known him,
> if only for a brief time,  I am sad that he’s gone, proud as a member of the
> human race that he did what he did for all of us.
> 
> LABELS: NEIL ARMSTRONG



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INFLATABLE HOT TUB ELECTRICITY COSTS

4/8/2024, 3:12 pm, General

How much electricity does a hot tub use?

Summary:
In the winter, our hot tub uses about 9kwh/day. With a cover or insulation, it
uses about 7kwh/day.
In the summer, it uses about 5kwh/day. I haven’t tracked it with insulation in
the summer yet.

Our electricity costs about $0.45 per kwh. So without a cover in the winter, it
costs about $120/month and with a cover it costs about $95/month. I asked my
neighbors in the area on a FB group and 3 told me it added about $100/month to
their electric bill. My neighbor with a “real” hot tub uses about 7kwh/month in
the winter, which is similar!

I’ve tried to track costs methodically but it’s hard to do! Confounding factors
include usage (sitting in it uses more power than leaving it covered), daily
outdoor temperature changes, modifying the hot tub temperature on occasion (our
daughter plays in it at 100 degrees, not 104), turning it off or refilling it on
occasion, not knowing when another person has changed the temperature,
occasional poor note taking, etc. But my numbers above feel about right.

Details: We have a 180 gallon, 180 cm diameter inflatable hot tub. We live in
the San Francisco Bay, El Cerrito, CA. See The National Weather Service for a
temperature almanac

What this means:
Should I get an insulating cover for my hot tub? Meh. Our $100 Cleverspa cover
saved us about $150 until it fell apart. And it was a slight bother to put on
every time. Maybe a more durable, better insulating cover would be worthwhile.

Should I insulate my hot tub with foam board insulation? Probably! 2 hours work
and $50 of insulation is saving me 2kwh/day all winter, that’s ~$200/year.  And
it looks like it’s going to last several years! I used R-Tech 1/2 in. x 48 in. x
8 ft. R-1.93 EPS Rigid Foam Board Insulation from Home Depot

   



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EXCELLENT INFLATABLE HOT TUB INSULATION

4/8/2024, 2:43 pm, General

With $50 of 1/2″ thick sheet insulation from Home Depot and about 2 hours work,
I insulated my inflatable hot tub better than a purchased insulating blanket
cover! It insulates as well, saves about 20% on electricity (paying for itself
in 2 months), it’s easier to get into the hot tub with no blanket to remove, and
this insulation will last much longer than the Cleverspa cover I got last year
which fell apart in 6 months from the sun.

 





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HOW TO ADJUST THE CHAIN TENSION ON A DODOWIN 6″ CHAINSAW

3/31/2024, 3:12 pm, General

My wife loves me. She got me a 6″ Dodowin chainsaw for Valentines Day! I’ve been
trimming all manner of trees up to about 4″ around with it. It’s great. The
manual doesn’t show you how to adjust the chain tension. It took a while for me
to figure it out.Watch and you’ll see how.





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CLEANING THE AC ON MY 2008 TOYOTA PRIUS

3/30/2024, 3:39 pm, General

I used an air conditioner core cleaner on my 2008 Prius. I show you how I got to
the drain hose. It was actually really easy.





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USING A CPAP IS AWESOME

3/19/2024, 1:02 pm, General

I’ve been using a CPAP for 9 years for mild-moderate obstructive sleep apnea.
It’s great. If you think you could have more energy, you’re sleepy during the
day and you snore and/or have apnea (stop breathing) many times a night, you
should definitely ask a doctor about getting one.



FIRST, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

Take this 2 minute quiz, the Epworth Sleepiness Scale (ESS), to find out. I
score a 1, which is great.

Do you wake up groggy every morning? That may be because your brain doesn’t get
enough oxygen at night!

Do you often wake up with a sore throat in the morning? That’s because you
snore!

Your bed-partner and/or an app can tell you if you snore or have apnea.
SnoreClock worked great for me! And my then-fiancee told me how my snoring woke
her and she’d freak out when I’d stop breathing for 30 seconds at a time.


BUT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO WEAR WEIRD MEDICAL EQUIPMENT!

Don’t worry about it’s appearance at all. The only person who will see it, your
sleeping partner will LOVE that you aren’t waking them up with your snoring!
They will demand that you wear it!

I love mine! I spend less time sleeping every night, have more energy, and think
more clearly. And there’s a lot of science that says it’s good for a host of
long-term health conditions like dementia, heart disease, etc

There’s sources that say it will take several weeks for you to gain benefit from
it, that’s bunk! The very first night you have it dialed in and have a good
night’s rest, you’ll know it’s working! It’s like getting 8 hours of sleep every
night instead of 4, because it quite literally is!


SOME DETAILS

It took a full year to get my CPAP fitted correctly. In the end, it was a
stupidly simple fix that 4 (expensive) sleep doctors couldn’t identify. I kept
ripping the mask off after 1-4 hours of sleeping because I felt like I couldn’t
get enough breath through the mask. The doctors said, “Well, that’s better than
nothing” and I’d just stare at them with accusing eyes. The solution: I told a
tech at Kaiser I needed to try different masks and despite his mild objections,
he let me try some on. With 15 seconds of trying on in the office, I could
easily tell it was the right call. I changed from a medium Resmed F20 mask to a
large one. The VERY FIRST NIGHT was awesome and it has been ever since.

If you are struggling to get it to work your doctor says that getting 4 hours
sleep with the mask is “enough”(that’s what all my doctors said), they are an
idiot, don’t go back. It’s true that medical “compliance” is measured by whether
a person uses the machine for at least 4 hours per night but that cut-off is for
certifying commercial drivers and pilots and such with apnea . If it’s working,
you’ll sleep all night with it on; if it’s not working, you’ll sleep 0-4 hours
with it on.

I tried a lot of things to help improve my CPAP usage. Now, the only things I do
are:

 * wash the mask cushion every 2-4 nights with hot soapy water. Maybe monthly
   I’ll use isopropyl alcohol for a deep de-oiling
 * Shaving before bed helps, I do it about 1/2 the time
 * If I used a humidifier, I’d probably need to do more cleaning

With Kaiser insurance, my mask replacement parts are free. But when I had a
PPO, it was cheaper and easier to buy parts on Amazon than use the janky
insurance system.

 

previously, previously, previously

 

 



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