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The Solo Mom Life

Empowering Single Moms Everywhere


HOW SINGLE MOTHERHOOD SAVED MY LIFE

February 27, 2024

Picture this….

It’s 2019, you’re single, and living in Atlanta. You can already tell where I’m
going with this, can’t you? Your dating life is exciting and you’re truly living
your best life.

Or at least that’s what you want everyone to think.

You meet a guy and you guys hit it off. Your blind infatuation for him doesn’t
allow you to see all the blaring red flags that he displayed from almost day
one. Well, actually you did but he was 6’5 so you gave him a whole football
field worth of passes. You even mentioned to your homegirl a time or two, “it’s
just something about him that doesn’t quite seem right but I don’t know what it
is.” But he was a hot commodity and he knew it so onward heaux!

To NOBODY’s surprise, you two end up becoming intimate pretty early on in your
little whatever you want to call it.

Cause we not even finna talk about how he claimed to have left his wallet that
second time y’all hung out…. Yea sis, you were down bad huh? It’s the height
tho, right? It’ll get you every time! Psssttt Don’t worry, short kings are
winning in your future. Just keep pressing on!

We know you love to live your life out loud for the world to see. But there’s A
LOT that you keep to yourself. Like exactly how that night came about. Exactly
what transpired. And while the world doesn’t need to know the details. Just
know, it’s not your fault. Consent is a tricky beast. It’s never something that
can or should be implied but explicitly understood. From start to finish, yes
even the finish. ESPECIALLY THE FINISH…

The finish… 

You thought y’all were finished.



You finally came to your senses and realized what a waste of time he was. You
had major moves that were taking place in your life so you cut your ties and
moved on….

Until June rolled around and you realized that Aunt Flo ain’t bring her big head
to your doorstep yet. A whole MONTH late! Oh she tripping tripping!!! 

The tears streamed down your face as you stared down in disbelief at the blue
strip that appeared even before the test strip could. “You making this decision
without me” was the only retort he could give on the other end of the phone,
completely negating how the two of you landed in this hot seat to begin with…

Your initial thought was to run away. At 36, you made yourself ONE promise your
entire life, DO NOT HAVE A BABY OUT OF WEDLOCK! Even in your previous
relationship to a man whom you were engaged to, “no marriage, no baby!” 

Of all the mistakes you had made in your life, THIS was the one that you felt
was a failure against yourself. This was the first time in your life you felt
like a true and utter failure. So realizing that you were going to be in this by
yourself, you made the dreaded phone call to your mother and said a quick prayer
that she wouldn’t start speaking in tongues out of pain and disappointment.

“Oh my God! I’m going to be a grandmother!!!!”

*blank stare into the phone*

You have to gently remind her that you and your fiancé broke up over a year ago
so HE AINT THE PAPPY! In fact, the father of this illegitimate child wants no
parts of this.

“Well then that just means you gotta come back home to Baltimore then! It’s
going to be alright! We got you. And God gotchu.”

And it was as if it were someone standing right next to you who had leaned over
and whispered, “If you don’t see this through, you’ll never see anything through
in your life. Stop running. Your blessing is in this baby.”

Now I’d like to say that when the baby came, life became so wonderful and
magical for you. But the complete opposite happened.

Post partum depression got really real for you. CAT Scans, MRIs, nothing could
explain the massive headaches. The depression. The isolation. The desperation to
fill this void that was just floating there. Not wanting to say it out loud to
anyone, not even to yourself but you just wanted SOMEBODY to be there. ANYBODY.
Because some BODY WAS supposed to be there. And this went on for the first few
years. 

The isolation and the desperation got worse. To the point where you found
yourself entertaining people you would never ever in your wildest nightmares
entertain. But you were on this quiet spiral that you couldn’t get ahold of.

They always talk about hitting a rock bottom. Well you cracked it wide open. 

But lucky for you, God was there to catch you. And remember that blessing He
promised you? He said, “it’s in your isolation. For so long, you’ve sought the
validation of your value and worth in others. I’m separating you so you can see
the value I’ve already placed in you. Because where I’m about to take you, it’s
not going to come through a man but through me.”

I decided to write my first blog entry in the 2nd person because this story
(interchanging with a few details I’m sure) could be ANY single mother’s story. 

How motherhood, especially an unexpected motherhood completely changed the whole
trajectory of your life. And what someone (AND THE DEVIL) meant for a set back
or even a setup, God will use for your come up!

When I think back to the woman I was in 2019, I couldn’t imagine how my life
would have turned out had my pregnancy not interceded. It’s not that I was on
some sort of path of destruction, I just wasn’t on the path that God had set for
me. And while the journey back hasn’t been cute, I finally feel like I’m back on
track.

And I’m hoping that ‘The Solo Mom Life’ can help to inspire, motivate, and
empower other single moms to do the same! To stay the course! To take back their
lives regardless of the obstacles they may face! 

Whether it’s giving you self care tips, teaching you how to efficiently travel
solo with a child under 6, or just give you some inspiring words to get you
through the week; my hope is that ‘The Solo Mom Life’ becomes your safe space to
let your hair down and just feel seen and heard!

Thank you so much for being here and I love you boo thangs!

Filed in: Mom Life • by The Solo Mom Life • 12 Comments

Tiera Nicole is a Baltimore based Mommy & Lifestyle Influencer who inspires and
empowers single mothers to live their best lives regardless of their
circumstances.
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