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THE NEW SOCIAL MEDIA ETIQUETTE: POST YOUR POLITICS, NOT YOUR KIDS

From Facebook to TikTok, social media norms are always shifting. These tips can
help you post properly.

By Tatum Hunter
and 
Heather Kelly
May 23, 2024 at 9:49 a.m. EDT

(Illustration by Elena Lacey/The Washington Post; iStock)
Skip to main content
 1. 1Don’t overshare your kids
 2. 2Only post what’s yours to share
 3. 3Stay on topic in the comments
 4. 4Post about your politics
 5. 5Fact-check images and videos
 6. 6Don’t overstep with influencers
 7. 7Opt for deletion and ephemerality
 8. 8Read the room
 9. 9Match your post to the platform


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There are no official rules for how to conduct yourself online.

In some ways, that’s great. You do you and deal with the consequences, if any
arise.

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But sometimes the internet’s anything-goes atmosphere can lead you into a mess
you could have avoided. We can help. Here are nine maxims to live by as you post
and chat online. Got social media etiquette rules (or wishes) of your own? Drop
us a line.


There's no one right way to use social media, but there a plenty of wrong ways.
Here's a few of them. (Video: Monica Rodman/The Washington Post)
1


DON’T OVERSHARE YOUR KIDS

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Give the children in your life the same agency you’d afford an adult.

The norms around sharing kid-related content online have shifted. We now know
that once something is on the internet, it can be impossible to remove it, and
that oversharing kids can be a form of exploitation or expose them to predators.

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If you’re going to share videos, photos or personal stories, get consent each
time, starting at a young age. Default to posting privately instead of publicly,
and use ephemeral options that are less likely to follow them around forever
such as Instagram Stories, which disappear after 24 hours. If a child, teen or
even young adult in your family asks you to remove content you’ve posted about
them in the past, delete it without argument. Finally, if you do feel the need
to post publicly, block or blur the child’s face so they have privacy.

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Maintain a distinction between your child’s life and your own. They might look
back with fondness at the slivers of their childhood you shared with your
followers — or they could feel embarrassed or exploited. Some so-called child
influencers are lobbying for stronger legal protection for minors whose families
make money from social media. A New York Times investigation found that accounts
showing young girls in bathing suits and leotards had large followings of adult
men.


2


ONLY POST WHAT’S YOURS TO SHARE

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Don’t post someone’s newborn baby, wedding photo or divorce news before they
can. Private moments and conversations should stay private unless the other
person is okay with you sharing — and yes, this includes texts and DMs. “May I
post this?” is your new mantra, even if it’s your spouse, child or grandchild.
When it comes to big life events, defer to the subject of your post. If you go
to a wedding, ask the couple when and if they want photos posted online. If you
take a picture where you look great and your friend less so, a quick “may I
post?” goes a long way.

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The same courtesy applies to strangers. A person existing in public doesn’t
constitute permission to post them. Nobody wants to step out the door worrying
someone they don’t know could blast their face to an online following. Sometimes
when people behave badly, sharing some evidence can lead to consequences and
accountability. That’s a tough situation, and it’s worth consulting someone you
trust before you share a damning video or DM publicly.

3


STAY ON TOPIC IN THE COMMENTS

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Public comments on social media posts are not the place to have a two-way
conversation. Got a funny quip or compliment for the creator? Go for it. But
don’t try to strike up a conversation, tell them to call you back or ask if
they’re on Ozempic. Save it for a text, direct message or in-person interaction.

4


POST ABOUT YOUR POLITICS

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We’re done with the “no politics at the dinner table” approach to social media.
If people avoid every topic that could ruffle feathers — politics, religion,
money, etc. — we consign social media to reflect only the easy, shallow parts of
being human.

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Let your friends and family know where you stand, not just on national politics,
but on local and international issues as well. Do research and share your
thoughts in a respectful manner. Welcome corrections and conflicting opinions.
Over time, you’ll become better versed.

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That said, remember that posting about a problem is not the same as doing
something about it. Make sure your online opinions make their way to the real
world, and put your time and money behind the causes you care about most.

5


FACT-CHECK IMAGES AND VIDEOS

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If you do decide to share posts to back up your views, do it responsibly.
Improvements to AI-generated images and video can make it tough to tell the real
from the fake. Often, all it takes are a few seconds of critical thinking to
figure out that the picture of a police dog clad in an American flag saving a
baby from a rushing river isn’t bona fide.

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There are a few tricks for spotting AI-generated content — a computerized sheen,
too many fingers. Better questions, perhaps, are “Does this seem realistic?” or
“Is this designed to provoke a strong reaction?”

If a photo or video seems too good, too cute or too horrible to be true, it
could be fake or misinformation. Slow down, check the original source and seek
out additional context.

6


DON’T OVERSTEP WITH INFLUENCERS

Return to menu

Content creators choose to share their lives or work with the world, but they
are not actually your friend (usually). They also aren’t receptacles for your
emotions or opinions. These nouveau celebrities don’t owe you much of anything,
so there’s no sense in getting mean or demanding. If a creator says or does
something you dislike, you can respond respectfully, stop following or block
them. Feel free to disagree with them about political or other issues if they
choose to discuss them, but it’s rude to send comments or messages with
unsolicited criticism or advice — say about parenting choices or that person’s
appearance.

> 

7


OPT FOR DELETION AND EPHEMERALITY

Return to menu

Even as we get used to leaving traces of our lives online, an unflattering
“digital footprint” can still cause problems. Colleges and employers check
social media accounts for whatever they consider to be red flags. You can save
yourself a headache by paring down the digital breadcrumbs you leave behind. Gen
Z has already started moving in this direction, with some keeping their grids on
Instagram completely blank.

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On Facebook, you can manually delete posts or limit their audience. Instagram
lets you hide posts without deleting them by choosing “archive.” You can also
post to stories instead of the main feed, as stories disappear after a day. For
X, you can sign up for a service such as TweetDelete, which automatically
deletes posts after a certain period of time. Threads head Adam Mosseri has said
the app may introduce a built-in auto-delete feature.

8


READ THE ROOM

Return to menu

The internet has made us more aware of tragedies at home and across the globe,
and the suffering can seem endless. You don’t need to turn your profiles into
news channels, but get a sense of the temperature before you post. A celebratory
photo in the midst of a major disaster, especially one that’s affecting your
friends, can leave a bad taste. Also consider what’s going on in your inner
circle when sharing news, like announcing a pregnancy when someone you’re close
to is dealing with infertility.

9


MATCH YOUR POST TO THE PLATFORM

Return to menu

LinkedIn is for career updates. Facebook is for posting in groups, selling used
bookshelves or sharing major life updates. Instagram is for beautiful scenery
and vibes. X is for stream-of-consciousness commentary and arguing. TikTok is
for strangers. Make sure your posts fit the platform you’re on. (The emotional
essays on LinkedIn are weird, sorry.)

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If you’re tired of sharing updates with your whole audience — including your
grandma and that one guy you dated when you were 19 — you may benefit from a
smaller platform. Instagram lets you build a “Close Friends” list and share
directly with those users. A Discord chatroom, Substack newsletter or “finsta”
(anonymous Instagram account) may be a better home for your musings and
confessions than a public channel.


HELP DESK: MAKING TECH WORK FOR YOU

Help Desk is a destination built for readers looking to better understand and
take control of the technology used in everyday life.

Take control: Sign up for The Tech Friend newsletter to get straight talk and
advice on how to make your tech a force for good.

Tech tips to make your life easier: 10 tips and tricks to customize iOS 16 | 5
tips to make your gadget batteries last longer | How to get back control of a
hacked social media account | How to avoid falling for and spreading
misinformation online

Data and Privacy: A guide to every privacy setting you should change now. We
have gone through the settings for the most popular (and problematic) services
to give you recommendations. Google | Amazon | Facebook | Venmo | Apple |
Android

Ask a question: Send the Help Desk your personal technology questions.



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214 Comments
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