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Relationships
Dating


DATING TIPS IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP

By
Barbara Field
Barbara Field

Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall
wellness, and women's issues.

Learn about our editorial process
Updated on January 18, 2023
Medically reviewed
Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental
healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and
accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed
before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more.
by
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
Medically reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
 * 

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor
at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Learn about our Medical Review Board
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Table of Contents
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Table of Contents
 * Feel Good About Yourself
 * Keep Dating and Getting Out There
 * How To Secure A Relationship
 * Signs of a Healthy, Committed Relationship

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If you want a romantic relationship, there are ways to help you on your path to
attaining one. Despite obstacles you might have encountered in the past, here
are four ways to find a partner and have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.


5 Green Flags in Relationships



FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF

If you want a partner who has their act together, start working on yourself
first. When you like yourself, believe you have a lot to offer and are healthy
physically and mentally, you’re in a good place to reach out to others.




INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

Having self-respect and personal regard is imperative before you can give to
others. When you get rejected by people from dating sites or the one you liked
doesn’t see interested in you after a coffee meeting, that’s disappointing. High
self-esteem helps you cope with life’s setbacks.



Thinking well of yourself also increases your overall well-being and makes you
more attractive to others.


Boost your self confidence by practicing positive self-talk and surrounding
yourself with uplifting and caring people. Then when you’re on the dating apps,
you’ll be a stronger person seeking a healthy relationship.




CHECK TO SEE IF YOU’RE SELF-SABOTAGING

If you’re meeting great candidates, but you’re putting on the brakes, you might
be self-sabotaging. Procrastination can be an example of self-sabotage. For
instance, you keep making excuses why you can’t meet your special one’s friends.
You might also be self-sabotaging if you’re a perfectionist and nobody is
attractive enough or interesting enough for you. The root cause of self-sabotage
could be childhood issues or attachment problems.


How #CoupleGoals Affect Our Relationships



TAKE A SELF-INVENTORY

Meditate and go inwards. Learn what makes you tick and find out who you are.
Once you know your core values, you know what you stand for. Seek out ways that
make you feel good about yourself and participate in activities that promote
healthy functioning. Give yourself self-care in all aspects of your life.



This relationship quiz was medically reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.





KEEP DATING AND GETTING OUT THERE

Dating through dating sites and apps can become disheartening, but many people
meet their partners through new technology. Embrace the idea of meeting romantic
partners at concerts, gyms, through meet ups, religious gatherings and out in
the real world, too. If you want a relationship, even if your heart has been
broken, stay optimistic and open.




SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

At the beginning you’re getting to know people, not promising your life to them.
If you’ve been dating a while, but you haven’t found a person to go the distance
with, don’t give up. Once you’ve established rapport and a mutual connection, if
you want a relationship, look for a caring partner who has the same goal or is
going in the same direction.




COMMUNICATE

An important aspect of any good relationship is communication. Being present and
validating the other person during conversations are signs of good
communication. Ghosting and love bombing are negative signs of how a person
communicates in a relationship. Other red flags include people who are
uncomfortable talking about conflict, have controlling natures or have a fear of
intimacy.




HOW TO SECURE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE YOU’RE DATING

After you’ve been dating a bit, you might want to be exclusive. Or maybe you’ve
been dating exclusively already and now you want to live together or get
married. It might seem uncomfortable to broach the subject of moving forward to
the next stage.




DON’T FORCE IT

Try not to be defensive. Talk openly about your wants and don’t be ashamed for
wanting something different than your partner. Yet, be sure to actively listen
to your partner’s side. Your significant other could very well have fears that
might be helpful to talk about.



Opting for ultimatums is not recommended. Consider couples therapy or therapy
just for you. After all, this might not be the right person for you if your
partner doesn’t want to get married, let’s say, and after a few years together,
you’re dead set on taking the next step.


Benching in Dating: What to Do When You've Been Sidelined



SIGNS OF A HEALTHY, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP

If your significant other agrees to commit, what makes for a strong committed
relationship? Most psychologists and mental health counselors agree a healthy
committed relationship is based on trust, respect and vulnerability.  




FRIENDSHIP

Friendship seems to be a great addition to a couple’s relationship. But it’s
more than that. Being one another’s best friends could, according to science,
strengthen your romantic relationship. One study revealed that partners who were
friends were more affectionate, committed and supportive of their significant
others than those who didn’t consider themselves friends.1




SEXUAL INTIMACY

Having intimate sex is another sign of a good relationship. The release of
serotonin enhances mood regulation and sleep. Giving and receiving physically
with someone you love also reduces stress.




SHOWING APPRECIATION

Another sign of a healthy, committed relationship is appreciation. That means
saying nice things to the other person. According to research, people
underestimate the impact of showing appreciation for a trait your loved one has
and complimenting them on it.2



In this research, compliment givers thought the recipient would feel
uncomfortable getting compliments. Despite their anxiety about offering
compliments, in multiple studies, givers felt good after giving complements and
the recipients valued getting them.


Another study investigated the power of appreciation to see if it was associated
with better mental health.3 In this research involving 306 spousal caregivers of
older adults with chronic illness or disability, those with greater perceived
gratitude for helping their loved ones showed better psychological well-being.
Greater perceived gratitude also buffered the caregivers’ feelings of role
overload and anxiety.



 If you feel good about yourself and keep putting yourself out there, you’re
more likely to secure a relationship. Knowing what makes for a healthy committed
relationship can also help you create one.


50 Questions to Ask to Get to Know Someone Better
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies,
to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn
more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and
trustworthy.

 1. VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being
    friends for nonmarital romantic partners. Journal of Social and Personal
    Relationships. 2013;30(1):115-131.

 2. Boothby EJ, Bohns VK. Why a Simple Act of Kindness Is Not as Simple as It
    Seems: Underestimating the Positive Impact of Our Compliments on
    Others. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2021;47(5):826-840.
    doi:10.1177/0146167220949003

 3. Nah S, Martire LM, Zhaoyang R. Perceived Gratitude, Role Overload, and
    Mental Health Among Spousal Caregivers of Older Adults. J Gerontol B Psychol
    Sci Soc Sci. 2022;77(2):295-299. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbab086

By Barbara Field
Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall
wellness, and women's issues.

See Our Editorial Process
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