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* Podcast
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* * Beachgrit TV
* Pro Surfer Edits
* Full-Length Features
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Watch just-released footage of world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater
destroying surfboard following poor performance in Portugal event, “I’d
rather cry than laugh right now!”
Brave Hawaiian boy who learned to surf wearing a lifejacket and who stunned
world by stealing tour lead from greatest of all time Kelly Slater releases
feel-good celebratory film, “Only One Will Make It!”
Go-for-broke former world #4 surfer Dane Reynolds moves like a ballet prima
donna amid the North Shore’s wild bumping and grinding!
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MENU
WORLD’S GREATEST ATHLETE KELLY SLATER LAUNCHES PERSONAL FUSILLADE AT AUSTRALIAN
PRIME MINISTER OVER INACTION DURING CALAMITOUS FLOODING, “NOTHING SORT OF
APPALLING”
Previous
HAVA NAGILA: WORLD SURF LEAGUE RETURNS TO BRAVEST NATION ON EARTH, THE JEWISH
KINGDOM OF ZION!
Love and peace in the Middle East!
by Derek Rielly
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* 19
MAN MADE FAMOUS FOR WANDERING BEACHES DRESSED AS GRIM REAPER IN ORDER TO WARN
SUNBATHERS THAT THEY WERE ABOUT TO DIE FROM COVID TO RUN FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL OF
KELLY SLATER’S HOME STATE FLORIDA!
Extreme activism.
by Chas Smith
* Shares
0
* 36
AUSTRALIAN SURFERS CHASING “SWELL OF THE DECADE” HAILED AS HEROES AFTER CHOKING
OUT CRAZED AIRLINE HIJACKER, “I PULLED HIS SHIRT UP AND THERE’S THIS BIG ROUND
PLASTIC THING WITH WIRES COMING OUT OF IT. I PUT MY HAND ON IT AND WENT ‘STUFF
IT’. I RIPPED IT OFF HIM!”
“The only thing that made me do it was the fear of dying. There’s no one up
there to help you."
by Derek Rielly
* Shares
0
* 54
DEPRESSION, CONFUSION, BLAME CONSUME WORLD SURF LEAGUE’S SANTA MONICA
HEADQUARTERS AS IDEAL THEORETICAL ALCOHOL PARTNER WHITE CLAW RELEASES “SURF”
FLAVOR LINE INDEPENDENTLY!
Oh what might have been.
by Chas Smith
* Shares
0
* 61
Next
HAVA NAGILA: WORLD SURF LEAGUE RETURNS TO BRAVEST NATION ON EARTH, THE JEWISH
KINGDOM OF ZION!
Love and peace in the Middle East!
By Derek Rielly
* Shares
0
* Comments
19
MAN MADE FAMOUS FOR WANDERING BEACHES DRESSED AS GRIM REAPER IN ORDER TO WARN
SUNBATHERS THAT THEY WERE ABOUT TO DIE FROM COVID TO RUN FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL OF
KELLY SLATER’S HOME STATE FLORIDA!
Extreme activism.
By Chas Smith
* Shares
0
* Comments
36
AUSTRALIAN SURFERS CHASING “SWELL OF THE DECADE” HAILED AS HEROES AFTER CHOKING
OUT CRAZED AIRLINE HIJACKER, “I PULLED HIS SHIRT UP AND THERE’S THIS BIG ROUND
PLASTIC THING WITH WIRES COMING OUT OF IT. I PUT MY HAND ON IT AND WENT ‘STUFF
IT’. I RIPPED IT OFF HIM!”
“The only thing that made me do it was the fear of dying. There’s no one up
there to help you."
By Derek Rielly
* Shares
0
* Comments
54
DEPRESSION, CONFUSION, BLAME CONSUME WORLD SURF LEAGUE’S SANTA MONICA
HEADQUARTERS AS IDEAL THEORETICAL ALCOHOL PARTNER WHITE CLAW RELEASES “SURF”
FLAVOR LINE INDEPENDENTLY!
Oh what might have been.
By Chas Smith
* Shares
0
* Comments
61
NEW YORK TIMES POURS PRAISE ON CHAS SMITH’S “MUST-READ” BOOK OF SUMMER ‘BLESSED
ARE THE BANK ROBBERS’: “EQUAL PARTS TRUE CRIME, MEMOIR AND BANK-HEIST HOW-TO!”
Danny robbed 19 banks in six weeks before he was caught and sent to prison; when
he was released almost eight years later, he picked up the habit again.
By Derek Rielly
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72
SURF JOURNALIST SET TO RELEASE INSPIRATIONAL TRUE STORY DETAILING THE FAST DAYS
AND WILD NIGHTS OF WORLD’S MOST PROLIFIC SALT-CRUSTED BANK ROBBER!
"Whatever you decide to do with this message is totally cool—ignore it, call the
cops, call your lawyer—I completely understand..."
By Chas Smith
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44
IN HISTORICAL FIRST, WOMAN BEATS FIELD OF MEN IN PRESTIGIOUS PROFESSIONAL SURF
COMPETITION THEREBY SHATTERING LONG-HELD GENDER-BASED ASSUMPTIONS!
Let equality ring!
By Chas Smith
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60
COVID LOCKDOWNS BLAMED FOR SAVAGE MONKEY WARS AT ICONIC BALI SURF SPOT ULUWATU
FOLLOWING DISCOVERY OF “RARE AND SACRED” WHITE MONKEY NEAR DEATH!
Usually existing in peaceful co-existence with the local people and the
tourists, these simian range wars have been due to the disastrous effects of the
global pandemic lockdown
By John Kennedy
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43
NEW STUDY WRONGLY SUGGESTS PROTECTING WAVES WILL LEAD TO UTOPIA OF OCEAN
CONSERVATION, ECONOMIC PROSPERITY AND HUMAN WELL-BEING!
Authors of new study forget the power of the surfer's lizard brain…
By Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
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115
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[Photos] The Scene That Ended "I Dream Of Jeannie" For Good Past Factory
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40 Most Paused Movie Scenes Of All Time BleacherBreaker
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REVEALED: AUSTRALIAN SURF SHOP ALLEGEDLY INCLUDES PAMPHLETS ON “SURF ETIQUETTE”
WHEN SELLING 8-FOOT-PLUS SURFBOARDS TO ADULT LEARNERS!
Opportunity?
By Chas Smith
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45
SECRET JOURNALS REVEAL CALIFORNIA’S GREAT HOPE FOR ITS FIRST WORLD SURFING TITLE
IN 32 YEARS WAS RIDDLED WITH SELF-DOUBT IN LEAD-UP TO DEBUT VICTORY IN PORTUGAL,
“I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE KID NOT KNOWING MY PLACE. I HAVE BAD SELF-TALK AND MIND
MOVIES OF MYSELF LOSING!”
"One of my life purposes is to show and hopefully inspire vulnerability."
By Derek Rielly
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73
CHAMPION SURFER JOEL PARKINSON’S “BUST UP” WITH SEMI-ADULT TIKTOKERS TEARING
AUSTRALIA APART AT SEAMS AS FAMILIES, FRIENDS, LOVED ONES COME DOWN ON OPPOSING
SIDES OF RIGHT AND WRONG!
In this corner...
By Chas Smith
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73
00:05 / 00:30
AMP SESSIONS: Kelly Slater (Sydney, Australia)
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FROM THE ARCHIVES:BREAKING: ANTI-DEPRESSIVE SURF WEBSITE HAS OFFICIAL INSTAGRAM
ACCOUNT VIOLENTLY RIPPED DOWN WITHOUT WARNING STUNNING FOLLOWERS AND CAUSING
MUCH FEAR AS TO THE POTENTIAL UNMITIGATED REVENGE OF ONE-TIME NERD, CURRENT BIG
WAVE CHARGER, KAUAI LOCAL MARK ZUCKERBERG!
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* US DOCTOR RESPONDS TO INSANE FURY AFTER SOLO-SURFING JEFFREYS BAY DURING
CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN: “I HATE THAT I PROVOKED SUCH ANGER!”
Jeffreys Bay, South Africa: It was tough enough for the hardened surfers to
stand down…
By Craig Jarvis
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79
* IRON FIST: MANHATTAN BEACH SURFER COPS $1,000 FINE FOR “DISRESPECTING A
LIFEGUARD” DURING “REIGN OF CORONAVIRUS TERROR!”
As a child, I often dreamed about being on the wrong side of the law…
By Chas Smith
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* PHOTOGRAPHER CAPTURES UP-CLOSE IMAGE OF GREAT WHITE SHARK’S “SINISTER SNEER”
THEREBY PROVING APEX-PREDATORS’ PENCHANT FOR “SADISM AND EVIL!”
Of all the things to be scared of in today’s world, pandemic disease,
economic collapse,…
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15
HOT CINEMA
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* WATCH JUST-RELEASED FOOTAGE OF WORLD’S GREATEST SURFER KELLY SLATER
DESTROYING SURFBOARD FOLLOWING POOR PERFORMANCE IN PORTUGAL EVENT, “I’D
RATHER CRY THAN LAUGH RIGHT NOW!”
There is no more satisfying feeling on earth than the efficient and crisp
destruction of…
By Derek Rielly
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* Comments
69
* BRAVE HAWAIIAN BOY WHO LEARNED TO SURF WEARING A LIFEJACKET AND WHO STUNNED
WORLD BY STEALING TOUR LEAD FROM GREATEST OF ALL TIME KELLY SLATER RELEASES
FEEL-GOOD CELEBRATORY FILM, “ONLY ONE WILL MAKE IT!”
Barron Mamiya, the little Hawaiian who stunned the world by snatching the
tour lead from…
By Derek Rielly
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12
* GO-FOR-BROKE FORMER WORLD #4 SURFER DANE REYNOLDS MOVES LIKE A BALLET PRIMA
DONNA AMID THE NORTH SHORE’S WILD BUMPING AND GRINDING!
It’s no secret that Dane Reynolds, the thirty-six-year-old vlogger from
Ventura California and former world…
By Derek Rielly
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36
* WITNESS: THE GREAT WHITE “WAS GOING LIKE A ROCKET STRAIGHT AT US. I CAN SEE
IT SO CLEARLY, ITS MOUTH WAS OPEN. I LIFTED MY FEET, GRABBED THE BOARD…”
Once upon a time, before the ubiquitous robot we cradle in our hands and
stare…
By Derek Rielly
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32
* WATCH: JACKIE DORIAN, BADGER DADDY AND PALS IN “PRETTY PEOPLE OUGHTA HITCH UP
WITH PRETTY PEOPLE!”
This relatively long-form cut of the child prodigy Jackson Dorian, who
enjoyed his thirteenth birthday…
By Derek Rielly
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17
* WATCH: BIG DADDY HO AND CHILLUN IN “HUSH UP YOUR BLASPHEMIN’, LUCIFER, AND
LET ME LOOSE!”
Yeah, I know, y’seen plenty of Mason and Coco and Daddy Ho zipping through
traffic on…
By Derek Rielly
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59
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