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Culture


A STAY-AT-HOME GIRLFRIEND SAYS SHE'S LIVING HER DREAM LIFE: 'MY MONEY IS MY
MONEY, AND HIS MONEY IS OUR MONEY'

Julia Naftulin
Feb 1, 2024, 5:13 AM ET
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Read in app
Angle down icon An icon in the shape of an angle pointing down. Stella Williams
is a stay-at-home girlfriend who lets her boyfriend pay for rent, groceries, and
other shared living expenses. Stella Williams
 * Stella Williams, a content creator, has been a stay-at-home girlfriend for a
   year.
 * Her partner pays for her rent, groceries, beauty treatments, and other living
   expenses.
 * Williams says this lifestyle reduces her stress, but critics worry it could
   ruin her independence.

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Every Friday, Stella Williams gets a fresh manicure.

A year ago, the fashion and travel content creator would often have to carefully
budget for her nail treatments, sometimes forgoing them to afford rent and
living expenses.

But now, her money-related concerns are nearly nonexistent. Williams, 29, is a
stay-at-home girlfriend. When she gets the bill for her nails, she pays with her
boyfriend Dre's credit card. The same goes for groceries, bikini waxes, and
last-minute purchases at Target for upcoming vacations. And those vacations, Dre
pays for them too. Most recently, they've been to Paris.

The term "stay-at-home girlfriend," which refers to a woman who largely lives
off of her partner's income and often repays the favor with domestic support
such as cooking and cleaning, emerged in 2022 on the heels of the "tradwife"
trend, Business Insider previously reported. That term stems from the words
traditional wife and references the stereotypical role of a picture-perfect
1950s housewife.



On TikTok, women who have adopted the stay-at-home-girlfriend label often rack
up millions of views on their day-in-the-life videos, in which they make
breakfast for their partners, tidy their homes, go for leisurely walks, and
lounge on the beach, never clocking in for a 9-to-5 job.

The lifestyle appeals to women who feel overwhelmed and overworked by hustle
culture, but some people commenting on social-media posts say the trend
glamorizes unhealthy financial dependence and gender inequality, as BI
previously reported.

Williams says it's a common misconception that receiving financial help from her
partner means she's giving up her self-autonomy. In contrast, she says, allowing
her boyfriend to take care of certain aspects of her life has been a practice in
letting go of her extreme self-reliance, an internal struggle that she's still
overcoming.

"Before this, I was in survival mode, trying to figure out how I was going to
keep a roof over my head. Now I can completely focus on my health and lean into
building my brand," Williams said.

Here's how embracing the stay-at-home-girlfriend lifestyle has empowered her to
live with less stress and more time for her passions and family.




HOW TO BECOME A STAY-AT-HOME GIRLFRIEND

When Williams chatted with Dre for the first time at a church-run singles night
in February 2023, she learned he was seeking a life partner to marry and support
emotionally, spiritually — and financially. At first, Williams said she was
skeptical. But a few months into their relationship, when Williams felt ashamed
to ask Dre to lend her money for groceries that she couldn't afford at the time,
she realized her dream of becoming a stay-at-home partner could be a reality
that made sense to her.

"He told me that I could come to him for those things and that I didn't have to
feel bad asking for help," Williams told BI.

She says she had no prior experience as a stay-at-home girlfriend, but the
lifestyle was one she saw modeled in her family.

Williams met her boyfriend, Dre, through a church event and quickly learned he
had similar values to her. Stella Williams

"I'm Latina, and I've always seen that the women are well taken care of. They're
having your children, and they're the investment," Williams said. "But for a
long time, I had low self-esteem and didn't feel good enough for that lifestyle.
I settled for less until I met my current partner," she said.


WHAT DOES A STAY-AT-HOME GIRLFRIEND DO?

Williams says she and her partner often joke that "my money is my money, and his
money is our money." In their day-to-day lives, the quip holds true.



Most mornings, Williams and Dre wake up at 5:45 a.m. to eat breakfast, typically
toast with cream cheese and jam and homemade lattes that Williams whips up for
both of them. For the next hour, they participate in an online prayer group
before Dre gets ready for work, and Williams plans out the rest of her day, she
says.

Usually, she'll dive into work for her social-media pages. Right now, she's
pivoting her brand to focus on travel content, so she researches destinations
and brainstorms ideas. Any money that comes from her work is solely hers, she
says, and she uses it to pay for work-related bills such as new filming
equipment.

By noon, Williams stops working and goes to a pilates, barre, or yoga class that
her boyfriend pays for. After, she usually spends time with her aunt and nana,
then closes out the day by preparing dinner.

Williams says she's not required to cook and clean for Dre to have access to his
money, but she enjoys finding ways to support him and make him feel good, such
as making a homemade meal and keeping their home organized. But William says she
has made it clear that she doesn't enjoy doing these chores for the sake of it.



They've talked about outsourcing these tasks to a housekeeper one day if their
budget allows for it, and Dre often pitches in by tidying up or folding clothes,
Williams says.

Williams typically ends her days playing with her pets and reading to wind down.
By 9 p.m., she's in bed. She'll also pepper outings with friends, beauty
treatments, and errands into her schedule as needed.

Despite Dre's financial support, Williams says she doesn't feel as if he expects
her to maintain a certain appearance. Still, she says she likes to look
put-together — usually by doing her hair and makeup and wearing a cute outfit.


THE STAY-AT-HOME-GIRLFRIEND TREND IS A STEP BACK FOR WOMEN, CRITICS SAY

Williams views her relationship as a major upgrade from her past ones, but not
everyone is receptive to it. She says that when she uploaded a video to her
YouTube channel explaining the details of her arrangement, many viewers left
"brutal" comments suggesting Williams was losing herself and throwing away her
dreams of being a model and influencer.



"Many women are unable to leave situations because they are completely
financially reliant on their partners. Just something to think about, because
the message of fully relying on a man is pretty dangerous," one of Williams's
viewers commented on her video.

Williams says that, in reality, she's constantly thinking about how to
prioritize her independence — and when it could better serve her to let it go.
She says it requires continued talks with Dre so they can figure out how to
avoid making their relationship feel transactional — such as Williams making her
own money through content creation, Dre pitching in with housework, and a mutual
commitment to taking pre-marital courses through their church.

She doesn't know what the next years of her relationship will look like, she
says, but she does know she's been able to prioritize the things she cares about
most because money is no longer her biggest stressor.

"There's an understanding between me and my partner that I just need to feel
taken care of so I can serve in the ways that I want to serve in life," Williams
said.


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