urlscan.io logo urlscan.io
SecurityTrails logo

www.thecut.com Open in urlscan Pro
199.232.193.209  Public Scan

Back to summary
Submitted URL: https://apple.news/AcPDXkckXTCW2j1Re6XoBsQ?articleList=ALMCs-x7aQrqgdwecBOr1LA&campaign_id=E101&campaign_type=0f2db...
Effective URL: https://www.thecut.com/2022/02/hook-up-culture-celibacy-tiktok.html
Submission: On February 22 via api from US — Scanned from DE

Form analysis 15 forms found in the DOM

Name: search — GET /search.html

<form class="dropdown-nav-search-form" name="search" method="get" action="/search.html">
  <input aria-label="Search" type="text" name="q" class="nav-search-input" placeholder="Search">
  <button class="nav-search-submit-button" type="submit">
    <span class="visually-hidden">Search</span>
    <svg role="presentation" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 26 26">
      <path d="M18.06,15.69A9.36,9.36,0,0,0,3.74,3.74h0a9.37,9.37,0,0,0,12,14.32l6.43,6.44A1.68,1.68,0,0,0,23.3,25a1.71,1.71,0,0,0,1.19-.49,1.68,1.68,0,0,0,0-2.38ZM5.79,5.8a6.44,6.44,0,1,1-.06.06Z" fill="#111"></path>
    </svg>
  </button>
</form>

Name: search — GET /search.html

<form class="dropdown-nav-search-form" name="search" method="get" action="/search.html">
  <input aria-label="Search" type="text" name="q" class="nav-search-input" placeholder="Search">
  <button class="nav-search-submit-button" type="submit">
    <span class="visually-hidden">Search</span>
    <svg role="presentation" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 26 26">
      <path d="M18.06,15.69A9.36,9.36,0,0,0,3.74,3.74h0a9.37,9.37,0,0,0,12,14.32l6.43,6.44A1.68,1.68,0,0,0,23.3,25a1.71,1.71,0,0,0,1.19-.49,1.68,1.68,0,0,0,0-2.38ZM5.79,5.8a6.44,6.44,0,1,1-.06.06Z" fill="#111"></path>
    </svg>
  </button>
</form>

Name: search — GET /search.html

<form class="dropdown-nav-search-form" name="search" method="get" action="/search.html">
  <input aria-label="Search" type="text" name="q" class="nav-search-input" placeholder="Search">
  <button class="nav-search-submit-button" type="submit">
    <span class="visually-hidden">Search</span>
    <svg role="presentation" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 26 26">
      <path d="M18.06,15.69A9.36,9.36,0,0,0,3.74,3.74h0a9.37,9.37,0,0,0,12,14.32l6.43,6.44A1.68,1.68,0,0,0,23.3,25a1.71,1.71,0,0,0,1.19-.49,1.68,1.68,0,0,0,0-2.38ZM5.79,5.8a6.44,6.44,0,1,1-.06.06Z" fill="#111"></path>
    </svg>
  </button>
</form>

Name: search — GET /search.html

<form class="dropdown-nav-search-form" name="search" method="get" action="/search.html">
  <input aria-label="Search" type="text" name="q" class="nav-search-input" placeholder="Search">
  <button class="nav-search-submit-button" type="submit">
    <span class="visually-hidden">Search</span>
    <svg role="presentation" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 26 26">
      <path d="M18.06,15.69A9.36,9.36,0,0,0,3.74,3.74h0a9.37,9.37,0,0,0,12,14.32l6.43,6.44A1.68,1.68,0,0,0,23.3,25a1.71,1.71,0,0,0,1.19-.49,1.68,1.68,0,0,0,0-2.38ZM5.79,5.8a6.44,6.44,0,1,1-.06.06Z" fill="#111"></path>
    </svg>
  </button>
</form>

GET /api/newsletter/users

<form method="get" class="form" action="/api/newsletter/users">
  <input type="hidden" value="weekinny" name="newsletterId" class="input newsletterId">
  <input id="newsletterEmail" class="input email" type="email" placeholder="Enter your email" name="email" required="">
  <input type="submit" class="input submit" value="Sign up">
</form>

<form data-recaptcha-public-key="6LcQmfoUAAAAAHL2UQnKmKFkIgzXmLeJs0YET0Ps" class="form" data-post="/api/newsletter/users" data-success-msg="" data-success-title-msg="Thanks, you're all set!"
  data-success-description-msg="You'll receive the next newsletter in your inbox." data-error-msg="Enter a valid email address" data-display-after-sign-up="">
  <input class="newsletterId" type="hidden" value="thecut" name="newsletterId">
  <input class="source" type="hidden" name="source">
  <label for="columnSubscribeEmail-183" class="email-label">Email</label>
  <input id="columnSubscribeEmail-183" type="email" class="email" placeholder="Enter your email" name="email" required="">
  <input type="submit" class="submit" value="Sign up">
  <div>
    <span class="return-message" aria-live="assertive" tabindex="-1"></span>
  </div>
</form>

GET /newsletter/subscribe/new/

<form method="get" action="/newsletter/subscribe/new/" class="form">
  <input type="hidden" value="" name="newsletterId" class="input">
  <input type="hidden" value="" name="source" class="input">
  <label for="newsletterEmail" class="label-email"> Email </label>
  <input id="newsletterEmail" class="input email" type="email" placeholder="Enter your email" name="email" required="">
  <input type="submit" class="input submit" value="Submit">
  <span class="message success" role="alert" aria-live="assertive" aria-hidden="true" tabindex="-1"> You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. </span>
  <span class="message error" role="alert" aria-live="assertive" aria-hidden="true" tabindex="-1"> *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. </span>
</form>

GET /api/newsletter/users

<form method="get" class="form" action="/api/newsletter/users">
  <input type="hidden" value="" name="newsletterId" class="input newsletterId">
  <input id="newsletterEmail" class="input email" type="email" placeholder="Enter your email" name="email" required="">
  <input type="submit" class="input submit" value="">
</form>

<form class="sign-in-form">
  <input id="username" type="text" name="email" value="pizza" autocomplete="username email" style="display: none;">
  <label for="password" class="password-label sign-up">Choose a password to create an account:</label>
  <label for="password" class="password-label sign-in">Enter your password or<button class="account-step-back-text" type="button">sign in with a different email</button></label>
  <input class="password-field-input sign-in" name="password" id="sign-in-password" type="password" placeholder="Password" autocomplete="current-password">
  <input class="password-field-input sign-up" name="password" id="sign-up-password" type="password" placeholder="Password" autocomplete="new-password">
</form>

<form class="newsletter-checkbox-form"></form>

GET /newsletter/subscribe/new/

<form method="get" action="/newsletter/subscribe/new/" class="form">
  <input type="hidden" value="" name="newsletterId" class="input">
  <input type="hidden" value="" name="source" class="input">
  <label for="newsletterEmail" class="label-email"> Email </label>
  <input id="newsletterEmail" class="input email" type="email" placeholder="Enter your email" name="email" required="">
  <input type="submit" class="input submit" value="Submit">
  <span class="message success" role="alert" aria-live="assertive" aria-hidden="true" tabindex="-1"> You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. </span>
  <span class="message error" role="alert" aria-live="assertive" aria-hidden="true" tabindex="-1"> *Sorry, there was a problem signing you up. </span>
</form>

GET /api/newsletter/users

<form method="get" class="form" action="/api/newsletter/users">
  <input type="hidden" value="" name="newsletterId" class="input newsletterId">
  <input id="newsletterEmail" class="input email" type="email" placeholder="Enter your email" name="email" required="">
  <input type="submit" class="input submit" value="">
</form>

<form class="sign-in-form">
  <input id="username" type="text" name="email" value="pizza" autocomplete="username email" style="display: none;">
  <label for="password" class="password-label sign-up">Choose a password to create an account:</label>
  <label for="password" class="password-label sign-in">Enter your password or<button class="account-step-back-text" type="button">sign in with a different email</button></label>
  <input class="password-field-input sign-in" name="password" id="sign-in-password" type="password" placeholder="Password" autocomplete="current-password">
  <input class="password-field-input sign-up" name="password" id="sign-up-password" type="password" placeholder="Password" autocomplete="new-password">
</form>

<form class="newsletter-checkbox-form"></form>

GET https://tr.snapchat.com/cm/i

<form method="GET" action="https://tr.snapchat.com/cm/i" target="snap014833074681924807" accept-charset="utf-8" style="display: none;"><iframe id="snap014833074681924807" name="snap014833074681924807"></iframe><input name="pid"></form>

Text Content

 * Intelligencer
 * The Cut
 * Vulture
 * The Strategist
 * 
 * Curbed
 * Grub Street
 * Magazine
   Subscribe to the Magazine Give a Gift Subscription Buy Back Issues Current
   Issue Contents

 * Subscribe
 * Sign In
 * Account
   Profile
   Sign Out



Subscribe Give A Gift
 * Style
 * Self
 * Culture
 * Power

Menu Menu Close Close
Search
 * Style
 * Fashion
 * Black Beauty Matters
 * Shopping
 * Parties & Red Carpet
 * Fashion Shows
 * Cathy Horyn

 * Self
 * Health & Wellness
 * Motherhood
 * Advice
 * Sex & Relationships
 * Horoscopes

 * Culture
 * Books
 * Television
 * Movies
 * Music
 * Celebrity

 * Power
 * Politics
 * Work
 * Money
 * Rebecca Traister

 * Latest Stories
 * Video
 * About Us
 * The Cut Shop

Search
Like Us Follow Us Follow Us
 * NYMag.com
 * New York Magazine
 * Intelligencer
 * Vulture
 * The Cut
 * The Strategist
 * Grub Street
 * Curbed

love and tiktok

Are We Getting Sick of Hook-up Culture?
 * Share
 * Tweet
 * Pin It


14Comments Leave a Comment
Menu Menu Close Close
Search
 * Style
 * Fashion
 * Black Beauty Matters
 * Shopping
 * Parties & Red Carpet
 * Fashion Shows
 * Cathy Horyn

 * Self
 * Health & Wellness
 * Motherhood
 * Advice
 * Sex & Relationships
 * Horoscopes

 * Culture
 * Books
 * Television
 * Movies
 * Music
 * Celebrity

 * Power
 * Politics
 * Work
 * Money
 * Rebecca Traister

 * Latest Stories
 * Video
 * About Us
 * The Cut Shop

Search
Like Us Follow Us Follow Us
 * NYMag.com
 * New York Magazine
 * Intelligencer
 * Vulture
 * The Cut
 * The Strategist
 * Grub Street
 * Curbed



Things you buy through our links may earn New York a commission




love and tiktok Feb. 18, 2022


ARE WE REALLY GETTING SICK OF HOOK-UP CULTURE?

By Laura Pitcher
Photo: Getty Images/Image Source

The most true-to-life moment in the latest season of HBO’s Euphoria happened so
quickly you probably don’t remember it. It was a blip in the otherwise
claustrophobic, edge-of-your-seat bathroom scene in the premiere episode: Maddy
casually shuts down sexual advances from a random guy at the party by saying,
“You’re so sweet, but no.” Consider this the unofficial slogan of new-age
celibacy.


MY WEEK IN NEW YORK

A week-in-review newsletter from the people who make New York Magazine.



This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of
Service apply.

On TikTok, users have taken the audio from this scene to reenact themselves
saying no to casual sex. “When you’re not into hookup culture anymore and are
waiting for a divine masculine to create generational wealth with and heal
through sex with unconditional love and manifestation,” captioned one user.



Welcome to celibacy TikTok. In this emerging subsection of the app,
spiritual-celibacy advocates explain sex as “energy transfers,” arguing that
meaningless or casual sex doesn’t exist. (Though that’s not to say this brand of
celibacy is aligned with any particular religion, such as you might
traditionally associate with abstaining from sex.) Some women are turning to
celibacy after realizing “guys only want to use you for your body,” as it’s put
in one TikTok video. Others are practicing celibacy as a means to “reclaim
sexual energy,” heal trauma, and slow their dating lives down. For many people,
taking a vow of celibacy still includes dating (but taking it slower and being
more intentional), giving themselves an open end date for finding the right
person or falling in love before sex. Others have set a more strict end date,
ranging for a few months to all of 2022.

These conversations are taking place against the backdrop of a so-called sex
recession among younger millennials and Gen-Zers, who are having less casual or
partnered sex than previous generations. Not exactly what you’d expect in our
current hookup-focused dating climate, where casual sexual encounters (including
one-night stands or pandemic one-month stands) are encouraged and long-term
commitment is often not discussed until well into a sexual relationship. One
viral TikTok video even describes actually having a boyfriend as cheugy or out
of style.

Lisa Wade, an associate professor at Tulane University and the author of
American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, says she has noticed most of
her college students are, at best, ambivalent about hookup culture. “Our best
data suggests that about one in three opt out of hook-up culture completely, and
the plurality of students would like a wider range of options for pursuing
sexual romantic relationships,” she explains over the phone. This, says Wade, is
because of awkward hookup interactions, heartbreak, and women feeling
disrespected by male sexual partners and having to constantly face the risk of
sexual violence. She also says many students feel excluded or targeted because
of their race, class, ability, looks, gender identity, or gender expression.

While the sexual-liberation movement — from the 1960s through the 1980s in the
U.S. — portrayed sex as a means of empowerment for women, the realities of
hookup culture have actually left many young people feeling disempowered. It’s
easy to see why.

I’m personally sick and tired of the hookup culture, it’s unhealthy mentally and
physically and we start to lose the true value of sex by normalizing it so much.

Hookup culture notoriously promotes a level of casualness about even the most
intimate dating interactions (to the point where telling someone you’re seeing
that you have feelings for them can seem “too much), while online dating gives
people the illusion of choice, making commitment even less tempting. From
ghosting to breadcrumbing, it seems every day there is a new word for shitty
dating interactions.

“Hooking up itself isn’t harmful,” Wade says, “but students’ sexual experiences
are playing out in a context of social prejudices like racism and sexism, the
hypercompetitive individualism of late-stage capitalism (which breeds a toxic
erotic marketplace), the commodification of sexuality (where bodies are
commodities and sex is something you can have, give, or take), and ignorance and
naïvete (an alarming lack of sex and relationship education).”

In other words, the forced “chillness” of hooking up is still taking place
against a backdrop of very serious systemic issues that are far from chill.

New-age celibacy culture gives people a place to openly acknowledge the
complicated feelings that “hooking up” gives them, rather than maintain the
façade of seeming totally cool about it all (many of us have been there).
Twenty-year-old Kayla Voelker says she grew up in a culture of women “giving men
what they wanted while disregarding their own feelings.” Because of this, she
believes casual sex (with men) for women is a “huge scam.” “America loves
hypersexualizing women through porn, the media, and television, so they created
this ‘empowerment’ movement of casual sex solely for the benefit of men,” she
says. “After all, my sexual encounters left me extremely sad and disappointed.
I’m now celibate and I am waiting for the right divine masculine man to truly
make love with.”

After 22-year-old Brooklyn-based Sarah Kaba was ghosted by a person she had been
seeing for two years, she arrived at a similar conclusion. “I’m personally sick
and tired of hookup culture. It’s unhealthy mentally and physically, and we
start to lose the true value of sex by normalizing it so much,” she says. “I’m
an emotional empath, and I have to protect myself by only giving access to me to
a person that stimulates me mentally and fits my standards. I’m tired of wasting
my time and energy on totally meaningless connections.” This thinking is
increasingly popular, a stark contrast to the era of hedonism that was expected
to follow the vaccine rollout.

“What people forget about sexual liberation is that it’s also the right to say
no,” says sex therapist Dr. Lexx Brown-James. “We’re starting to understand that
the conversation around empowerment needs more nuances than either going out and
having lots of sex as the only means of sex positivity or the typical
heteronormative couple that has sex two to three times a week.” Brown-James says
several of her female clients are approaching abstinence as a way to dedicate
time to learning how to pleasure themselves.

So while for some people celibacy is about taking the search for deeper romantic
connections more seriously, others are opting out of dating entirely. Tika
Budiarachman, a 20-year-old based in Pennsylvania, is one of those people.
“Energy exchanges are real, and I think the same thing with food happens when
you have sex. You digest it,” she says. “Hookup culture is just a part of
everyone’s journey, and it could lead to you finding the love of your life, or
it could lead you to celibacy, like me.”


STAY IN TOUCH.

Get the Cut newsletter delivered daily
Email


This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of
Service apply.
Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice

By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Notice and to
receive email correspondence from us.


TAGS:

 * self
 * dating
 * relationships
 * love and tiktok
 * sex
 * celibacy
 * More

14Comments Leave a Comment
Are We Getting Sick of Hook-up Culture?



Things you buy through our links may earn New York a commission


MOST VIEWED STORIES

 1. How an Aspiring ‘It’ Girl Tricked New York’s Party People — and Its Banks
 2. Madame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of February 21
 3. A Vibe Shift Is Coming
 4. @DeuxMoi Made Me Eat It
 5. North West’s ‘Emo’ Art Is Truly Haunting

 1. How an Aspiring ‘It’ Girl Tricked New York’s Party People — and Its Banks
 2. A Vibe Shift Is Coming
 3. @DeuxMoi Made Me Eat It
 4. Madame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of February 21
 5. How to Look Rich


PLAY Top Articles Video Settings Full Screen About Connatix V151552 Read More
Read More Read More Read More Read More Read More What You Missed at New York
Fashion Week 1/1 Skip Ad Continue watching after the ad Visit Advertiser
websiteGO TO PAGE




THE LATEST

role models 3 mins ago
25 Famous Women on Their Mentors Laverne Cox, Olivia Rodrigo, Viola Davis, and
more on role models.
By Julie Ma and Brooke LaMantia

celebrity 23 mins ago
Britney Spears Is Going to Write Her Own Tell-all Book She signed a contract
with Simon & Schuster for $15 million.

ask a boss 12:00 p.m.
Was I Wrong To Quit My Job, Or Is It Just Nerves? Even when you have good
reasons to quit, it’s nerve-wracking to leave a situation where you’re
comfortable.


recap 11:23 a.m.
Has a Bachelor Contestant Ever Crashed and Burned As Hard As This? Sarah went
from front-runner to … a long flight home from Vienna.

new york fashion week 9:05 a.m.
What You Missed at New York Fashion Week Telfar showed clothes again (finally!).
Commission made items we want to buy. Christian Siriano brought back crimped
hair (unsure how we feel, tbh).

culture Yesterday at 12:00 p.m.
@DeuxMoi Made Me Eat It How a celebrity-stalking Instagram account changed
dining out in New York City.
By Gabrielle Bluestone

how i get it done Yesterday at 10:00 a.m.
How Talitha Watkins Gets It Done As president and head of ColorCreative
Management, she’s shifting the paradigm for women and people-of-color creators.
By Jewels Dodson

euphoria Yesterday at 9:00 a.m.
Lexi Howard, Director of the Year Euphoria’s resident playwright has turned me
into a theater girl.

book excerpt Yesterday at 8:00 a.m.
The Editor and the Murderer When Sophie Wilkins heard about death-row prisoner
Edgar Smith, she was determined to edit his book. Then the two became something
more.
By Sarah Weinman

q&a Yesterday at 8:00 a.m.
Cher Says She Almost Caught Fire on the Set of Moonstruck Turning back time with
the icon, just because.

astrology Feb. 20, 2022
Madame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of February 21 It can be hard to
stay rooted in reality while still believing in magic. This week, with the sun
in Pisces and Venus and Mars in Capricorn, you can.
By Claire Comstock-Gay

sex diaries Feb. 20, 2022
The Divorced Mom Who Isn’t Quite Ready for Sexting Yet This week’s sex diary.

but why Feb. 20, 2022
Is an Olympic Medal Worth a Frozen Penis? A cross-country skier said his penis
was “a little bit frozen” after a race.

goth Feb. 20, 2022
North West’s ‘Emo’ Art Is Truly Haunting Kim Kardashian’s daughter has a lot of
“moods.”

the royal family Feb. 20, 2022
Queen Elizabeth II Is Working Through COVID A queen’s job is never done.

new york fashion week Feb. 19, 2022
Where’s Marc Jacobs? “Good question,” said Marc Jacobs himself with a dry laugh,
after releasing ten looks the day after New York Fashion Week ended.
By Cathy Horyn

style Feb. 18, 2022
Here’s What Telfar Clemens Told Us About TelfarTV It’s many things, but QVC
isn’t one of them.

fashion Feb. 18, 2022
How to Look Rich Skin, hair, clothes — and how Inventing Anna did it.

are u coming? Feb. 18, 2022
Marry Me (at the Club) Dateless at a possibly legal Valentine’s Day wedding with
Frankie Jonas and Ivy Getty.
By Brock Colyar

relationships Feb. 18, 2022
Inside 3 Platonic Life Partnerships There are pros and cons of committing to
your best friend.

More Stories
Sign In to Comment


Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription

Email You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. *Sorry, there was a
problem signing you up.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of
Service apply.



or
Already a subscriber? Sign In


WHAT IS YOUR EMAIL?

This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your
email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email
correspondence from us.

Enter your email: Please enter a valid email address.
Submit Email
or
Connect with Google Connect with Facebook
Sign in
|
Subscribe Today


SIGN IN TO CONTINUE READING


CREATE YOUR FREE ACCOUNT



edit email



Choose a password to create an account: Enter your password orsign in with a
different email
Forgot Password?

Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:

 * Lower case letters (a-z)
 * Upper case letters (A-Z)
 * Numbers (0-9)
 * Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)

This password will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your
email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email
correspondence from us.
Sign In Create Account


YOU’RE IN!

As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New
York, which you can opt out of anytime.


Continue Reading Not right now, continue reading New York

Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription

Email You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. *Sorry, there was a
problem signing you up.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of
Service apply.



or
Already a subscriber? Sign In


WHAT IS YOUR EMAIL?

This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your
email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email
correspondence from us.

Enter your email: Please enter a valid email address.
Submit Email
or
Connect with Google Connect with Facebook
Sign in
|
Subscribe Today


SIGN IN TO CONTINUE READING


CREATE YOUR FREE ACCOUNT



edit email



Choose a password to create an account: Enter your password orsign in with a
different email
Forgot Password?

Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:

 * Lower case letters (a-z)
 * Upper case letters (A-Z)
 * Numbers (0-9)
 * Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)

This password will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your
email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email
correspondence from us.
Sign In Create Account


YOU’RE IN!

As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New
York, which you can opt out of anytime.


Continue Reading Not right now, continue reading New York
 * Style
 * Self
 * Culture
 * Power

Like Us Follow Us Follow Us Follow Us Follow Us
 * Newsletters
 * About Us
 * Contact
 * Help
 * We’re Hiring
 * Press
 * Privacy
 * Terms
 * Ad Choices
 * Do Not Sell My Info
 * Accessibility

The Cut is a Vox Media Network. © 2022 Vox Media, LLC. All rights reserved.