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Home / Diseases & Conditions / Obesity


WHAT IT FEELS LIKE: 'I'VE LEARNED TO TAKE BACK CONTROL' OF OBESITY


TANYA BENDER SAYS SHE FIRST NOTICED HER WEIGHT WHEN SHE WAS 12. SHE WAS GROWING
UP, HER BODY WAS CHANGING AND, WHILE SHE WAS A BIT BIGGER THAN THE OTHER GIRLS
IN HER SCHOOL, SHE WAS NOT OVERWEIGHT.

by Robin Roberts

Oct 20 2022
5 minute read

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WHAT IT FEELS LIKE: 'I'VE LEARNED TO TAKE BACK CONTROL' OF OBESITY

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Participating in "diet culture" did not help Tanya Bender to address her
emotional connections to food. SUPPLIED
Tanya Bender says she first noticed her weight when she was 12. She was growing
up, her body was changing and, while she was a bit bigger than the other girls
in her school, she was not overweight. But when kids started calling her names
and making derogatory comments about her weight, she felt she had to compensate
by being funnier, nicer, more well-liked. “I had to be more than the average
person in order for people to overlook my weight,” she says. Bender now actively
supports others with their weight loss goals.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity. 


WHERE DOES OBESITY COME FROM?

I struggled with my weight for at least 35 years. I noticed my weight when I was
12 years old, because of things other kids said, as well as the media, to some
degree. When you’re starting to blossom and having relationships, you want to be
attractive. I thought others were more attractive because they were thinner. But
I look back at that 12-year-old girl now and she’s perfectly fine. She was
growing and changing in ways that felt uncomfortable.
Our language in supporting children growing up probably isn’t telling them that
it’s normal to feel uncomfortable, and that your body is going to change every
year because you’re a growing individual. Because of that lack of supportive
information, I manifested it in a very negative way when it didn’t need to be
that way.


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My eating habits also changed. I went through a traumatic time — my parents were
splitting up, and I started turning to food for comfort. Year after year, that
became my go-to as things were happening. High emotion, low emotion, you name
it, I was becoming an emotional eater.


IS OBESITY GENETIC?

Being overweight runs on both sides of my family. I wouldn’t say extreme
obesity, necessarily, but definitely the ability to put on weight easily. My
aunts, my mom, my Nana have all struggled with weight. It is scientifically
proven that there is a DNA link to obesity. There have been some studies showing
even an adopted child in a [healthy] environment is larger. But that should not
overshadow an unhealthy relationship with food. I do believe there are some
underlying addiction issues as well and mine have manifested in food. I can now
say with utmost confidence, without hiding it: I have an unhealthy relationship
with food and I used it to self-soothe.


HOW DOES OBESITY AFFECT HEALTH?

I went on a lot of “diet culture” programs. I was on Weight Watchers probably 15
times. And even though I might have lost weight in some of those programs, none
of them were successful because none of them addressed the underlying
connections that I have to food — the emotional connections, the stress
connections. And none gave me the tools to unpack that to see it for what it is,
and how not to allow it to be a contributing factor in my life anymore.
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At my heaviest I was 317 pounds and had some health issues. I have had high
blood pressure. I was insulin-resistant. I wasn’t considered pre-diabetes, but I
was getting close.

Since I learned about the High Metabolic Clinic , which I now work for, I’ve
lost about 104 pounds over two years. The clinic approaches obesity using three
components: nutrition, mindset and medicine. Over at least a year-long process,
you focus on nutrition and consistency. A big factor with people who struggle
with their weight, as it was for me, is being inconsistent with nutrition. I was
either all-in or all-out, trying to eat really well and then going back to old
patterns of overeating, over-indulgence, just throwing in the towel and then
starting again. It’s that hamster wheel of doing well and then falling back off.

Diet culture has brainwashed us to think weight loss happens quickly, but we all
know it is not sustainable.
We need to get rid of the noise of diet culture and what it tells you. We need
to get back to the basics of nourishing our body, doing it consistently and
getting comfortable with the uncomfortable of wanting it to happen quickly.


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Some of the most motivated and determined people I’ve ever met are overweight
and have been overweight. I think the reason they are so determined and
motivated and driven is that they know like nobody how to fail. They’re
constantly failing, because many of us who are overweight are always trying not
to be overweight and we continuously fail and that doesn’t feel good. But we
still pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and try again. And that is driven,
that’s no lack of motivation. People of a normalized body weight do not
understand the complexities of being overweight. There’s a brain-body
connection. Your thoughts are so powerful and they direct how you feel.
I’ve learned to take back control. I now realize that eating this food in this
moment of excitement or this moment of despair is not serving me, it’s not
changing the situation I am currently in. I was able to really understand my
brain and how connected to processed foods, baked goods in particular, my brain
was. So when I would eat a butter tart or a brownie or cookies, I’d get a shot
of dopamine that would go off in my brain and it liked that. And then my brain
said, do that again. It remembers, it knows the last time you were sad or really
upset this is what you did and it made you feel better. When you start
understanding how your brain is working and connecting to these foods, and
you’re looking at yourself from a clinical point of view versus a place of shame
and blame, it really allows you to tackle the problem in such a different way.


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If anybody feels that shame, or blame of not facing it because you screwed up or
failed again, do some research and get the right help you need to escape diet
culture and address those three components. Get support in nutrition, in the
psychological component and the medicine.
That’s why I wanted to become part of this industry, because knowledge is power.


MORE OBESITY STORIES:

Obesity and Overweight: Causes, symptoms, treatments
Why is obesity more dangerous for men than women?
What it feels like: Living with obesity

Living with obesity: ‘Love yourself, no matter what size you are’

—
Robin Roberts is a Vancouver-based writer. 
Find more stories on obesity and what it’s like to live with obesity by clicking
here.

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WHAT IT FEELS LIKE: 'I'VE LEARNED TO TAKE BACK CONTROL' OF OBESITY

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