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WE THOUGHT THE GOLDEN GLOBES COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE. WE WERE WRONG.

Kelly Lawler
USA TODAY


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The Golden Globes were bad, until they tried to get better.

It's not easy to find your floor and drop below it, but one should never
underestimate the Golden Globes, the awkward uncle of Hollywood's awards season
that's famous for drunk celebrities, angry Ricky Gervais barbs, and a diversity
scandal that nearly ended the show altogether.

Sunday's ceremony, the first since the disbanding of the Hollywood Foreign Press
Association, which handed out the Globes for the first eight decades of its
existence, proves that bad things can always get worse, if you just try hard
enough.

The host of the cursed ceremony, comedian Jo Koy, couldn't take all the blame
for its abject failure, although he didn't do much to help. A no-name booked
just 10 days ago after many more famous and talented names gave hard passes, Koy
bombed harder than "Oppenheimer" in a monologue that preceded a slog of a show
that should embarrass every single person who took part in it ― yes, the winners
and nominees, too. Thanks, I guess, to the Golden Globes Foundation.



If the "Golden Globes Foundation" sounds made up, that's because it was, very
recently. It's the organization that rose from the ashes of the HFPA, the
besmirched entity the winning actors once thanked on the stage. But a 2021 Los
Angeles Times report highlighted the lack of diversity among the HFPA's 87
members (as in, no Black members at all). That led to actor and studio boycotts
of the Globes and, ultimately, to NBC opting not to renew its contract to air
the awards.



What happened next was like a Greek tragedy, although not one worthy of being
made into a movie. The HFPA dissolved, the Globes brand was bought by Dick Clark
Productions (now owned by Penske Media, the parent of nearly every major
Hollywood trade publication including The Hollywood Reporter and Variety
magazine). CBS snapped up the rights to air the show at a fire-sale price. And
the awards are now voted on by "more than 300 member journalists from around the
world, of whom half are ethnically and racially diverse," at least according to
the Globes Foundation.





Did any of this lead to something better? No. The new voting body acted much
like the old one, if a little more in line with the choices pundits predict the
Emmy and Oscar voters will make at their ceremonies on Jan. 15 and March 12,
respectively. The speeches ranged from occasionally sweet to mostly fine and
sometimes bad. The telecast was atrocious. And perhaps the best achievement the
Globes ever had ― to spotlight superb but unfamiliar film and TV ― has been
completely neutered by the damage to the show's reputation and the
already-depressed ratings in an era of award show fatigue.



As the show opened with Koy outright yelling at the audience that somehow still
included the biggest names in Hollywood, the celebrities in the Beverly Hilton
ballroom appeared to cringe as one, with muted applause and mere whispers of
laughter. It was as if they had all been held hostage.

Of course, everyone hates being there until they win a trophy. More than one
actor said the Globe, which all of Hollywood once eschewed, "meant the world" to
them. There were real tears and prepared speeches. Only the unflappable and
bulletproof Robert Downey Jr. deigned to mention the changes to the makeup of
the people who voted on the awards. Will Ferrell bellowed "The Golden Globes
have not changed!" as if anyone at home has followed the decidedly
inside-Hollywood saga enough to get the joke. "Oppenheimer" composer Ludwig
Gorranson even accidentally thanked the HFPA.



Dissolving and rebranding of the organization has done little other than make it
impossible to book a host and turn the Globes into an even more cheap,
self-aggrandizing dress rehearsal for the Emmys and Oscars. Did we need really
all those standing ovations? They used to be special.

I could nitpick at all the problems with Sunday's telecast, from the hugely
terrible to the mildly annoying. The only presenters who seemed to remember they
were performers meant to entertain people were Andra Day and Jon Batiste − both
musicians not actors, mind you. Even the room was poorly set up. It took awkward
seconds of silence, and the front section scooting like a Little League team in
an overcrowded Denny's booth, for the winning cast and creator of Netflix's
"Beef" to make it to the stage.



The Golden Globes used to be the worst awards show. Now it's all the worst
things about them, wrapped up into one: Glittery fodder for the naysayers who
would do away with long nights of the beautiful and the rich handing awards to
each other. The sad truth is that awards shows can be great: They can celebrate
art sincerely, and can be as entertaining as the movies they nominate. How many
people remember Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Globes monologues? Many more than can
remember past Globes winners, that's for sure.

Koy may not have been able land a joke tonight, but the Globes have turned into
one giant punchline. Do we really have to do this again next year?

Biggest moments you missed at the Golden Globes, from Jennifer Lawrence to
Cillian Murphy Golden Globes 2024: 'Poor Things' surprises as best comedy,
'Oppenheimer' takes best drama Golden Globes 2024 red carpet: See Margot Robbie,
Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, more stars Taylor Swift's reaction to Jo Koy's
Golden Globes joke lands better than NFL jab Kristen Wiig, Will Ferrell
hilariously reunite on Golden Globes stage 'The Bear' star Ayo Edebiri gives
flustered, heartwarming speech: Watch the moment Golden Globes proves to be a
mini 'Succession' reunion as stars take home trophies Jo Koy's Golden Globes
opening monologue met with blank stares: 'I got the gig 10 days ago!' Florence
Pugh continues sheer Valentino dress tradition at 2024 Golden Globes: See pics
Golden Globes 12 best dressed: Jaw-dropping red carpet looks from Selena Gomez,
Margot Robbie, Oprah, more 'Oppenheimer,' 'Succession,' Emma Stone: The complete
2024 Golden Globes winners list The best celebrity photos from the 2024 Golden
Globes show Taylor Swift makes the whole place shimmer in sparkly green on the
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