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LETTERS I'LL NEVER SEND

Giving an Audience to your Inner Monologue

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WAR IS NEVER JUSTIFIED

They are killing all of them. And the world just watches.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a
comment on War is never justified


DESIRE

When I think of you my body aches for your touch.

The ache is real

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a
comment on Desire


FORTUNE OF THE DAY

In an effort to spend time together after the night of fighting and intense
talks, we start driving out to Dinosaur Ridge for a quick hike. That plan is
quickly spoiled by a flat tire off of the C470 ramp.
Glass shrapnel that littered the road and I was forced to travel across on my
earlier trip to Target had infiltrated the tire as it deflates on us together
now.
My partner does the work to change out the spare, but Firestone delivers the bad
news that the insides are shredded and we have to replace the tire as it can no
longer be patched. He pays his dues without complaint .It all feels very
allegorical, or symbolic, something of that ilk.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a comment on
Fortune of the day


AGAIN AND AGAIN

You live your life, free from what you’ve done
I am trapped in the summer of 2014
You’ve moved on and are happy now
I am broken
You don’t care about what you did to me
It consumes my every waking thought
I am so lost and broken inside
I was expendable to you
You broke my trust
My heart
And took something from me that was never yours
I will live in fear of every man I meet from now on until I die
Knowing what every man is capable of
You laugh and live your life
I just want mine back

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a comment on
Again and again


IN THE MORNING

My partner leaves in the aftermath of our worst fight ever to chop off his long
locks. When he returns its in tearfuls with apologies and shame in tow. His now
shorn head isn’t a bad look but something in his brief time away allows him
reflect and form earnest words for change and reconciliation. He vows to seek
counciling, and to stop taking a hair loss therapy drug he’s been taking for
years known to cause anxiety.
I suspect the suicide of his co worker and russian tensions also don’t help, so
I do my best to put my best foot forward for my daughter’s benefit and hopefully
my own, but I also tell him he doesn’t get to play martyr for the sake of duty
without desire.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a
comment on In the morning


RAGE

After my partner returns from talking ti his mom on the phone he relays that
it’s tough but we can work through it, and goes on to iterate how his aunt
recently went through something similar when her husband gained weight in his
grief over the Russian War and she kicks him out of the house. He goes on to say
he’s been at fault but I let myself go. Let myself go? I’m not obese or
sedentary by any means. I shatter the coffee pot I had just been preparing for a
night cap.
He wants to work on it after that? It feels like having your heart pissed on. I
say a lot of angry things, I call him vain and tell him I hope he goes bald, he
says he’s going to shave tomorrow anyway.
I wasn’t ignorant of the signs, even at the rammstein show as he pushes me
behind him and runs down other women collected at the front of the stage in his
annoying.
He wants to work on it but he’s not attracted to me. What admirable honesty, I
tell him if he doesn’t like me like this his feelings likely wouldn’t even
return if I lost the weight.

He’s been itching for travel since he got his passport, a vacation to Mexico
would not be enough but if he drives me off now maybe he can get to it a bit
sooner. Go to finland like he’s been pining for. He has this dream of rescuing a
guy friend of his over in Russia at the Finish boarder. Maybe he’s just trying
to manifest thar.
I never meant to hurt you this way he says. I scream .
How disappointing, butnot entirely unexpected. If we sell the townhouse. I could
still give my kid and the kitties a very comfortable life in my hometown. I
would have no issue finding work, I wouldn’t be trapped at home without a car,
or in a relationship where if can’t meet a certain aesthetician standard I’m
considered unattractive. By the way even in the skin that I’m in now, I still
get complimented often by others who enjoy how I look.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a comment on Rage


SAD

My husband’s not attracted to me. There’s a fight. I break a few dishes in the
shattering of the image of the marriage I had hoped to find. He tries to damage
control with ” I don’t think you’re the most beautiful woman out there but I
think you’re beautiful.” Somehow his phrasing makes it worse.
I want to punch him in the fuck8ng face but I settle for angrily scribbling in
my notebook.
We’re supposed to go to Mexico in two months and ive spent weeks preparing all
the goods for the trip and organizing the upcoming holiday but I feel like this
nonchalant cruelty is his way of fulfilling some sort of desire of his to forge
ahead on some different path.
We fucked last night, he says that was fun. He says love and attraction don’t
need to go hand in hand in a guy’s mind, in less eloquent words.
I feel the nerves in my face twitching at the emotional damage.
He says I’m a great mom, but still he makes no effort to comfort me and what
little he tries to do to make me feel better feels more like a back hand. Hey at
least he stayed true to his inner dialogue opinions right?

Earlier I was upset because he used his fiscal earnings status as a way to try
to evade helping me send off his families holiday goods. I bring up how he
apathetically often jokes about getting killed off to not have to deal with
things in his life and I’m honest in how I feel such dialogue diminishes what
good there is, I give an equal analogy of if I had said I hope childbirth kills
me so I don’t have to deal with the rest back when I had our daughter. He does
this little cringe scoff as if somehow it wields different meaning when I say
it.

He says he didn’t want to hurt me like this, but at no point in the evening does
he attempt to hug or provide affection of any sort.

I’m sad.

I’ve been spending so much time trying to get the details right on my paintings
to try to launch some sort of career through art for myself, if I could have
just shut my mouth and ignored it I could have at least carried on until I got
there. Now I don’t know.
I probably deserve it, whatever it is, but I had hoped that I was worthy of
more.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a
comment on Sad


THE WORLD IS BURNING

The world will never be the same, we are dead now and sometimes it seems like
hell is our eternal destiny because we denied what God brought together. You
wanted me to not talk to you anymore, so here we are. All I wanted was for you
to find love but when you found it and I congratulated you told me to stop. So I
did. The thing I wanted to tell you but couldn’t was that there is a demon
attached to you and I. I had a dream of a scene and the demon was there, then
you posted the same scene on Instagram a few years later. I believe it could be
something to do with your ancestor being a 33rd degree freemason. Maybe this is
all just my religious programming or whatever but I know there is more to all of
this than coincidence. This won’t make me feel better, time to get to work.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a
comment on The world is burning


IT TOOK AWHILE

But I think I’m recovered, for the most part. I’m not im Agony anyway so I’ll
take it.
I’ve been going back through some of Mike Flanagans older work with the husband
after the great success with Fall of the House of Usher. This weekend was all
about that Haunting up at Hill house, which he found slow at first but it’s
starting connect. We ended the night with an episode I knew was going to have me
in tears. Even though I’ve seen it before, I was still weeping for more than
half of the episode it felt like. The conversations around mental health, paired
with the scripted tragedies gnaw at me, Nells plight is relatable and even to a
lesser degree the night terror sleep paralysis. My husband teases me and
exasperated “still!?” When even after the episode is done I still have rivers
running.
I tell him to shut the fuck up, he doesn’t get to tell me how long I can cry
for.
It’s taken in good humor, he tries to make me laugh to replace the tears by
reminding me about earlier in the day when I was talking shit to him and
accidently ate the full bit of Wasabi that came with my sushi and the dramatic
reaction that follows.
It works I’m laughing . I chase my sorrow with a shot of honey whiskey.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a comment on It
took awhile


SMUT

“Undress for me…” You recline on the black satin sheets, watching me as I
eagerly comply. “Slowly,” you growl.

I lean down and bend over to leisurely unzip my red leather boots, playfully
tossing them toward you while revealing my red thigh high fishnets.

“Good girl,” you say with a half smile. “Now the dress.”

I start at the top of my white sundress, teasing you with bare shoulders. As I
begin to pull down the dress, you see a bright red bustier. I lean forward to
give you a better view of the cleavage almost spilling out of the top. Then I
slowly push my dress past my hips and let it fall to the floor.

You gaze at my garter belt and then move your attention to my lacy red panties.
You can see that the gusset of the panties has been removed.

I smile at you as I await your next command.

“Turn around.”

I work my hands over my body as I turn away from you, affording you a nice view
of my backside. Upon closer inspection, you can see that my panties have a thong
made of large white pearls.

“Come to me,” you urge.

I turn around gracefully and find a place next to you on the bed. As I climb
past you, you slap my ass hard. I let out a sound that is half surprise and half
ecstasy.

“Good girl,” you intone, your voice thick with pleasure. You sit up in the bed
and push my head between your legs.

Knowing exactly what you want, I start teasing you by licking the head of your
eager cock like an ice cream cone. Firmly and slowly tracing swirls with my
tongue. You moan, wanting more. All at once I stop, and you look at me
quizzically. I smirk at you and move my head back between your legs. I lick
gingerly and I gently suck until I can hear the sounds of your frustration.

I turn away from you and position myself on all fours. I can practically feel
your wicked grin. I know what’s coming and I can’t wait for it.

You grab my hips and mercilessly start fucking my ass. I scream from the pain.
The string of pearls massages your cock faster and faster as you take me.

“Oh God,” I moan.

“You love it, you filthy whore.”

“I do. I love it…” I pant.

You close your eyes and I can feel you cum deep inside me. “Good girl,” you say
as you pull me to your chest and stroke my hair. I will sleep well tonight.

Author AnonymousPosted on April 25, 2024April 25, 2024Categories To YouLeave a
comment on Smut


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