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Breaking News

TEENAGE BOYS EXPLAIN WHY THEY IDOLIZE MRBEAST

Despite his terrifying grin and dead-eyed stare, internet personality MrBeast
has over 218 million subscribers on YouTube alone. The Onion asked his teenage
boy fan base why they idolize him, and this is what they said.



Cartoons

KNEEL YOUNG



Local

KISSING COUSINS, EYE TRANSPLANTS, AND MORE: THIS WEEK IN LOCAL NEWS DECEMBER 30,
2023

A collection of the most important local posts of the week


Politics

BIDEN ADDRESSES NATION WHILE HANGING FROM BRANCH ON SIDE OF CLIFF

WASHINGTON—Using his platform to plead for Americans to lend him a hand,
President Joe Biden addressed the nation Monday while hanging from a branch on
the side of a cliff. “Our democracy has never before hung in the balance more
than it has at this…



Local

MAN CREATES ACCOUNT ON GHOSTBUSTERBOBBLEHEADS.COM FOR FASTER CHECKOUT NEXT TIME

SANTA FE, NM—Stressing that it would save him time and effort on future
purchases, local man George Huntley reportedly created an account on
GhostbusterBobbleheads.com Monday so he could enjoy faster checkout next time.
“It looks like if I sign…



Local

CHILD’S DIARY COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ANY USEFUL DIRT ON OTHER PARENT



Breaking News

SCRUBBING BUBBLES MASCOTS REBRAND AS HORNY BAD BOY GRIME FIGHTERS


Breaking News

MOST POPULAR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION BY STATE






WATCH

This Week's Most Viral News: New Year's Eve Edition



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This Week's Most Viral News: New Year's Eve Edition
Boomers Try To Define The Word ‘Rizz’
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THRIFTER STRIKES GOLD WITH VINTAGE AMAZON ESSENTIALS JACKET FROM 2021

NASHUA, NH—Looking over his shoulder to make sure no one else copped his find,
local thrifter Brian Gresbaum told reporters Thursday he had struck gold with a
vintage Amazon Essentials jacket from 2021. “Oh my god, there’s no way this is
an…



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ELON MUSK FANBOYS EXPLAIN WHY THEY ARE SIGNING UP FOR NEURALINK HUMAN TRIALS


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EYE TRANSPLANT RECIPIENT SHRIEKS AFTER DOCTORS IMPLANT ORGAN FACING INWARD AT
BRAIN



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Breaking News

SENATORS REVEAL BEST PLACES TO HAVE SEX IN CAPITOL

After footage leaked of a congressional staffer having sex in hearing room used
by the Senate Judiciary Committee, The Onion asked senators to reveal the best
places to have sex in the capitol, and this is what they said.



Politics

ALL OF NIKKI HALEY’S SUPPORTERS DELIGHTED TO FIT INTO SINGLE UBERXL


Politics

POLITICIANS EXPLAIN WHY CRITICIZING ISRAEL SHOULD BE ILLEGAL



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WOKE MIND VIRUS


Politics

NATION’S POLITICIANS EXHAUSTED AFTER ANOTHER DAY OF TIRELESSLY SERVING THE WILL
OF THE PEOPLE






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WORLD’S ISSUES COME TO HALT SO AREA WOMAN CAN DEAL WITH HER OWN PROBLEMS



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WORST PIECES OF SEX ADVICE FROM WOMEN’S MAGAZINES




Opinion

RIGHT-WING MEN EXPLAIN WHY THEY REFUSE TO EAT VEGETABLES



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CREST INTRODUCES NEW HAM AND CHEESE WHITENING SANDWICHES







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NATION LOOKS AHEAD TO NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS



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QUIZ: HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ELON MUSK?




Opinion

AMERICANS EXPLAIN WHY TUCKER CARLSON SHOULD BE TRUMP’S VP



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BOOMERS TRY TO DEFINE THE WORD ‘RIZZ’




Entertainment

THIS WEEK IN ENTERTAINMENT DECEMBER 22, 2023



Entertainment

DISNEY+ DEBUTS NEW ‘STAR WARS’ SHOW ABOUT YODA BATTLING TESTICULAR CANCER





Football

SILHOUETTE OF CHAINSAW, BLOWTORCH VISIBLE THROUGH NFL INJURY TENT



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CONSERVATIVES EXPLAIN WHY FOOTBALL IS TOO WOKE




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TAYLOR SWIFT NAMED GOLF MAGAZINE’S CLUB OF THE YEAR



Football

JAMES WEBB TELESCOPE FINDS EVIDENCE OF PACKERS SECONDARY LINED UP 20 MILLION
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