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PHYSICAL-NINJA388

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AITA for how I revealed that I’m autistic?

r/AmItheAsshole
r/AmItheAsshole

A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to
finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you.
Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides
of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. See our
~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

17M Members 2.1K Online
ADMIN MOD • 6 mo. ago

AITA for how I revealed that I’m autistic?
Not the A-hole

I F24 have been with my bf for 2 years. We're family friends and have known each
other and the other’s family growing up.

Throughout my life I thought I’d struggled with anxiety, depression, and mild
OCD, but never quite fit the diagnostic criteria and struggled to get effective
treatment or a diagnosis. This has been pretty private my entire life- it was
rarely visible from the outside.

Shortly before my bf and I started dating, at 21, I saw a new provider who
suggested I read about how autism presents in women. I was hesitant since I had
a preconceived idea about what autism looked like, but just about everything I
read clicked and it was like a light flipped on. I felt so understood and
everything made so much sense, including my past struggles to get an effective
diagnosis/treatment.

I underwent two evaluations (one was just for a second opinion) and was
diagnosed with autism from each.

The diagnosis did not change much about my day-to-day life but understanding
autism definitely helped me learn better coping mechanisms for some of my
struggles.

My evaluations were literally right before bf and I became “official” and it
took me a while to disclose to him, but he was super understanding and read up
on autism in women. It has never been an issue in our relationship.

Recently we were at a bonfire with his extended family and I was sitting with
the women. Bf’s sister Sara is pregnant and shared fear of her baby having
autism, and the women started talking about how awful that would be- how if the
baby had autism it’d need round-the-clock lifelong care and ruin the parents
life.

I sympathized to an extent because autism is a spectrum, and some autistic
people do need round-the-clock lifelong care and raising a severely disabled
child is taxing. But most autistic kids grow up into functioning adults, so I
kindly told her that and that even if her baby had autism, everything would most
likely be alright.

She responded “Have you ever MET an autistic adult? Clearly not.” Then went on
about how even the few autistic adults who don’t need round-the-clock care can’t
hold “normal” jobs and could never support themselves.

Everyone with autism is different, but Sara and her family have always raved
about me and expressed extreme support for me and bf’s relationship. I have a
great career and very comfortably support myself.

I listened until I couldn’t anymore and then I said. “Sara, for what it’s worth,
I am autistic.” The women freaked out and said there was “no way” I’m autistic.

I went on to share that I’ve been evaluated twice, and autism is pretty widely
misunderstood.

Sara practically ran to tell on me to my bf, who just said “I know. It’s not
really a big deal.”

He is on my side but the rest of his family is saying I ruined their night and
should’ve sat them down to have a serious conversation about my diagnosis rather
than “springing it on them.” They’re extremely pissed at me for the way I went
about this.

AITA?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Dec 8, 2023

Cake day

 

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